The scene plays over and over in my head;
A never ending nightmare. It's haunted me all day.
The blood, the knife, the fear in Ismus' eyes,
I can't forget any of it. I could barely stomach my lunch, and I'm not too eager to eat dinner now. I push my peas around my chicken. My stomach is in knots.
The smell of food makes me want to throw up;
not like there's much for me to purge.
I don't have the energy to join any dinner conversation
Ethan, Ilene, and Ismus laugh and chatter away about their days while I stare down at my plate. Maybe if I pretend to be sick I can excuse myself and go to bed early and forget this day.
Three pairs of eyes stare at me as glance up. Ethan and Ilene's are worried; Ismus is irritated. "Y-yes?" My eyes shift nervously between each person.
"Are you ok, sweetie?" Ethan asks.
"You've barely touched your food." I steal a glance from Ismus. He gives me a "don't-you-dare-tell-or-you'll-regret-it" look. "N-nothing," I reply, avoiding eyes contact.
Ethan eyes me curiously. "You sure, Roselyn?"
Sweat drips down my neck. I bet they can smell it too; I bet they can taste my salt on their tongues. I swallow to relive my dry throat. "I'm okay, really."
Ilene reaches over and places her hand on my forehead.
"You're burning up, dear." A worried look paints her face. "Y-yeah. I've been feeling a little sick lately." I cough. "We were in the sun for awhile." "She could be dehydrated," Ethan says.
I nod. "I-I think I'm going to rest for a bit."
"I'll come by and bring you some medicine later," Ilene assures me. I give her a smile before excusing myself and making my way up the stairs. I'm relieved when the door to my room clicks shut.
I lied to the Kaisers;
I lied to them about something that could be life or death for their son. Ismus cutting himself again is nothing to joke about. They can get him help, right? Maybe it's not too late to come clean
But you promised Ismus you'd keep his secret.
I run my fingers through my hair. Right, because the only way for him to like me and think of me as his "sister" is to continue letting him hurt himself. I dig my nails into my scalp.
What's the right thing to do?
My heart aches from hitting my chest so many times. Could I convinced him to stop? For my sake?
Ethan and Ilene should be asleep by 10:30, 11:00 at the latest. I could talk to Ismus then. He told me earlier he was my brother for the first time, that we should start acting like siblings.
I couldn't live with myself if he starting cutting again,
especially because I might be the underlying cause. He's been good for almost 4 years; it can't be a coincidence that he's started again all of a sudden.
That's why I have to make things right.
I have to let Ismus know I'm here for him, that I care and want him to be okay. Because that's what siblings are for; they have each other's backs.
I've never had any siblings,
so I have to try my best now to be a good sister. Ismus deserves at least that.