I used to feel weak,
staring down the bathroom sink,
or lying on the bathroom floor,
with an open bottle of pills,
never swallowing more than four.
And never breaking the skin,
not pushing the blade in,
because I really couldn't take the pain,
felt like a coward,
for not breaking a vain.
Then sometimes I feel strong,
and I know that choosing to live wasn't wrong,
all these things I chose to survive,
I am so grateful,
and so happy to be alive.
Note: This is a very personal piece. When I was younger, I felt an urge to end my life. I was going through some things. Me and my brothers went to live with my aunt and uncle because our mom was addicted to drugs.
I felt like no one in the world loved me. I remember trying to kill myself with allergy medication, I was only 11 years old. I only swallowed a few, I couldn't do it. Then, still at age 11, I was planning on cutting my wrists, but I couldn't the knife hurt on my skin, but I couldn't force it through.
I felt like a coward. But now, I am thinking that it wasn't me being weak, it was me being strong. My mom is taking care of my aunt. She is living with us, and off of drugs.
I am so happy to be alive. If anyone has ever felt like this, just know that your will to live is a sign of strength. You are loved <3