We said hello after we met the timeline was messy from the start. Acknowledging each other's existence for the first time in the break room sharing secrets with a British boy. Because we no longer had others to look at to speak to and to obsess over.
And I made nothing of it you were exactly who I thought you would be bold audacious philandering self-absorbed. But I was wrong. Because we had met before many times in fact but we had no idea.
The same friends the same parties the same town the same school the same backyard night after night but we didn't care. Because I thought I wanted something different and was too absorbed to see you and you were contradictory so we didn't even consider it.
\ But there was a night during that one summer where I thought everything was falling together but really it was complicated and wrong and crumbling.
I couldn't walk so you helped me onto the roof because I had had forty-two jello shots. And I stared at the stars maybe you stared at me maybe you stared at her and later I stared at him. And I thought he was special but he was only a puppeteer and he drained me in ways I didn't know I could be drained.
I never had time to look at you but you found me when I was sitting alone by the sink because he was pretending not to care. And you made me kiss the ping pong ball to help you make the shot maybe I was your lucky charm since that night and we never even knew it.
You called me your dear and I felt something different different than when he calls me his bitch I opened my eyes for only a moment and shut them again when he wrapped his arm around me. And then it was over forgotten.
There you were twelve months later in a black v-neck and a logoed cap infiltrating my thoughts though I knew you shouldn't I couldn't help it. Because now I look to my right and see you looking to your left seeing me.
You were someone who scared me because you brought a full flask to a funeral and drank beer on the beach in the middle of the day and skateboarded and drag raced and felt too much or nothing at all. Fearfully intrigued.
And I knew it was real when my best friend told me that you were the male version of myself she said the word soulmate but I pretended not to hear.
I never thought I would see you smile I certainly never thought you would smile because of me because I ran into a door because you chased me through the aisles with a water-gun because your sink splashed me because a customer asked if you were my boyfriend you didn't even know that I saw the smile -
And that was the best one.
When there was danger he pushed me into the face of it while he stuck his tongue down my roommate's throat. Now there's danger and you told me to call you immediately you'd be there. Difference.
I didn't even realize that you'd spent eight months hanging on the wall of my dorm room in a picture of my friends and I in that fated backyard. You and me unknowing. Unending