One Woman Riot
One Woman Riot stayalive stories
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gremlin
gremlin 20 year old version of daria
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
A story of not necessarily overcoming depression, but not letting it kill me. enjoi!!!

One Woman Riot

A week before my 19th birthday

My sister told me not to be in any rush to grow up

"Trust me",

She said,

"You're only gonna be this age once."

I wanted to tell her how our mother told me

That I was born backwards

A case of Benjamin Button, I like to call it

I'm only growing down

See, before I was born

I was already fighting battles I didn't choose to be a part of

The day I was born it was a civil war

Between my mother's life and my own

They said it was best that we raised our white flags

Said Death

Would be the only friend I ever knew

19 years later

Death still begs me to remember the old days

Laughs like he didn't scratch my door every night

Begging to be a part of my

"Well, today I didn't manage to kill myself." days

Smiles as he says he'll always be there when I need him

Most days, I'm a survivor

Others, I almost convince myself I miss how he always welcomed me with open arms

Convinces me he's the only one who could ever truly save me

That I don't need them,

They could never understand me the way he does

Never fails to remind me that I can't hide from him

He's the longest friend I've ever had

Made a promise to me, the day that I was born

That he would never leave my side

Said he let me down once, but he never would again

Thought I scratched him out of my veins when I was 13 years old

But now that I think about it

Maybe I was only trying to get closer to him

See, he made my mothers boxcutters look like sunsets

So every night I tried to carve the sun into my wrists

Always reminded me how beautiful I looked while I did

Like my skin was a canvas and I was Jackson Pollock

He made me forget the pain, forget the terrors

"Forget them all. I can make it all go away."

So,

Inviting

He whispers in my ear, with a grip around my throat

Because he knows I like it rough

Tells me,

He knows I'm tired from all that fighting

Calls himself home and tells me that I'm homesick

As to make me never forget he has an empty room waiting for me

But I’d rather spend my life dragging through the streets of my mind

Weary eyed, with hundred pound memories on my shoulders

Than ever go back to him

Should my battles last a lifetime

I'll fight until my bones break

Scream until I cough up blood

I understand

He could've made me forget the most painful parts

But I forget that loving him was the most painful part

These days, I'm the one scratching on his door

Beckons me to leave

Says he can't stand my love for the world

Because what has the world ever done for me

Now he's the one afraid of me

And I beg him to stay

Just to show him

I can carry any of his attempts

To tear me down

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