waiting. always waiting. I wonder how many cigarettes I've smoked hoping the flame from my lighter will somehow spark my life into motion.
How many times have I listened to these melodies hoping they will pour into the cracks and fill me up with what I dream of. It won't, but I can pretend.
I think I need to step down from this life. I need more authenticity and less... yeah. I'm starting to recognize the girl in the mirror.
I'm adjusting. I just don't look too closely at her. I'm not really here. I'm somewhere else.. somewhere higher.
This is a temporary life. Which I am grateful for in a way.. I couldn't keep this up for much longer anyways.
I want to be electrified again. To feel like I did. To have my whole life flip upside down and know I'm changed forever.
That's happened twice this year. Both of which things will tear me down peice by peice. So I guess the next thing that picks me up and throws me across the world I hope it lasts..
But more importantly I hope it's good for me.
I know I need to shift some things and leave a few people behind and I will.
Oh.. I will.
But fuck I do love it here. I wonder who waits for me in the mirror a few weeks from now.
Where I will be standing to see her? The decisions I make need to be careful.
Why can't it be simple. Why is it that I still feel out of place?