But this isn't where my story ends
I have growing pains.
I emerged a beautiful butterfly. I thought this was the end of the journey.
I was wrong. I was never a good planner. As a young girl I wrapped myself up in a cocoon. I hoped and prayed I would emerge beautiful and strong. Powerful and loved.
And then... I emerged.
I never thought about what life would be life once I became the beautiful butterfly. It was only a dream. What would I do with my wings?
When I see my reflection there is no doubt... I am here! I am free! look at my delicate wings beating.
I heard the wind and it said one thing ... "You must explore the space you have found"
I left this love I hold so deeply. This was the hardest decision I ever made. I could see us growing old.. but the vision faded when the wind blew stronger.
YOU MUST FLY RUN DANCE SING FIND YOUR FREEDOM
To pick myself, or someone I love.
I chose myself.
I miss every part of him. I weep for him. I fear the loss of my friends and his family. But I have new spaces to love myself. It is more important that I succeed than to miss what was.
I am following my dream.
I will teach.
I will guide.
I will breathe life into others who are lost.
I will create beauty and powerful connections.
I will not pour myself into a person who does not appreciate all that I am.
DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO BECOME THIS BUTTERFLY?
THE BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS THAT WENT INTO CONSTRUCTING THIS MOMENT?
You could not appreciate me. All that I am. All that I am worth. All of my light. All of my heart.
So I left you.
I left you despite the pain my heart cries out for.
I left you to be with myself.
To create a life that I am proud of living.
To deepen the relationships I hold with others who love me.
To open my heart up to those who have opened theirs to me.
To strengthen my practice
And practice my strength.
It is hard to leave behind the things you love in life... but nothing will ever come before the love I hold for myself.
I am happy to have left him behind. I did not belong there anymore.
I am thankful for the love that grew inside of me.
It gave me courage to see life as a good thing instead of a treacherous hole.
I learned that life is better with people. Life is better with those you love.
One day I will have a family. I dream of a crowded table. Full of life. Full of joy. Full of sadness. Full of defeat. Full of support when times are tough, and triumph when times were great.
I will have what I dream of. I desire a life I am proud of living.
Goodbye river water.