Content-Warning: – 12 + – Bad Language – Possible Triggers like "suicide" etc.
Author's Note: 7th Chapter is here and the next one will be also published that week. After the little survey from last time, I decided to at least publish twice a week if I'm able to. And I decided to continue the story without shortening it, even if it might become a rather long series then.
Author's Note: Anyway, I hope you'll like it. And thank you very much for reading my words and your consistent support. I appreciate it a lot.
I want to die.
And I've decided to die that night. But I didn't want to end it in here. At least I wanted to die at a beautiful place with happy memories.
So, I sat there in that dark chamber – restless and thinking about my favorite places in the city.
Soon enough I remembered that one bridge where I had seen the most amazing sunsets in my life. And I remembered how blissful the crimson rays of a setting sun were dancing over the vivid yet tender river.
It was really beautiful there and watching how its sapphire blue slowly were painted into a warm orange made me feel at ease every time.
It has to be beautiful there at night as well.
And it's also full moon tonight.
I love the sun with his warming rays.
But I love the magical moon even more with her soothing light accompanied by a starry sky where wishes come true.
It was decided: I would go there and I'd die there in peace. I just had to wait till everything in house had grown silent, and then I sneaked out, already looking forward to the river bathed in full moon's grace.
It was really weird ... I was broken and all, and seemingly devastated to the point of no return. Still, I went out with a smile. But maybe just because I thought all my pain would finally be washed away tonight ...
Be washed away by my own hands and the cold river's embrace.
I felt kinda sad about that though because my real parents wouldn't ever had wanted me to do something like that.
They always wanted the best for me.
And they were the best.
And they had given me a lot of hope for living my life and coping with a lot of pain.
But now my hope had run out.
And I wasn't able to go on like that anymore
– alone with no one by my side while still suffering every day.
I'm sorry, Daddy.
I'm sorry, Mummy.
I want to die.
She ran off again, and I did let her go this time. If I would had just known what she was going through, I would had run after her once more and told her that everything would be alright. If I would had just known that she would try to kill herself that night, I wouldn't had let her go.
But I didn't know anything.
But fortunately fate was about to give me another chance ...
I looked after her – dumbfounded and intensely puzzling over what would had been the reason for her acting like that. I wasn't mad at her for turning me down twice in a row. Instead I was worried about her for some reason.
Strangely enough that I was that genuinly kind to a woman I didn't know, suddenly I also was worried about her. – ME – The one who basically didn't give a fuck about the feelings of others and exploited people, especially women, just for his own desires.
I hadn't been such a monster always though. But that didn't matter at the moment. What did matter was the fact that she was the reason why I started to change to the better again, and that since I had met her.
I didn't even had a woman since our encounter back then. And it left me puzzled how a stranger was able to have such an effect on me. And it made me want to know more about her and how she was able to change me like that.
"God! She's just great, isn't she?" I talked to myself while rolling around restlessly. "Gosh! I can't sleep like that." I got up from bed, put on some clothes and decided to take a walk through the city to clear my head.
Tonight was full moon ... and as I left my appartement a fresh friendly breeze was welcoming me at the door steps. I took a deep breath and then exhaled my worries and all my peace-sapping thoughts. "Ahhh! What a wonderful night."
I walked through the moonlit streets without any destination ahead. – I just walked there where I felt to walk and to where a kinda strange, somehow magical power were drawing me to. I followed that power step by step while enjoying the shadow play of a mystical moon.
And that was when fate did give us yet another chance ...
Another chance for us to fall in love and live happy with each other,
even though it wasn't meant for too long.
And even though her death was the worst thing which ever had happened to me,
I would fall in love with her again,
accepting the devasting pain which would come through it.
I owe you so much, Angelica.
Thank you for everything.
TO BE CONTINUED?