Content-Warning: – 16+ – Violence – Bad Language – Discrimination – Possible triggers like "domestic abuse", "child abuse" etc.
Author's Note: 4th chapter is finally out and the next two will be published during this week. Be aware: The following content might be a little bit too intense for some readers, so please just read if you are ready for it. Thank you very much. And feedback is appreciated.
"Pain" ... A thing I never was aware of could be that devastating until I felt it for years, bleeding out my life day by day.
It's unfair, isn't it? I never hated someone and I never inflicted pain on purpose. Still, after their demise, life and nearly everyone I've known during my existence hated me for some reason, and did hurt me on purpose.
I never understood how fate and people were able to be that cruel and how God could let happen all of it.
And for the years I have suffered I really would have had enough reason to hate the whole world and God himself. But the words they once spoke to me, as I was a little girl, restrained me from doing so, no matter what.
"Angelica. You'll see the world is a cruel place and you might as well suffer through a lot of pain. But no matter what, remember: Hatred is not the answer. – Fighting fire with fire isn't right. Love is. And remember ..."
"You are not alone." That's what daddy said to me back then whilst he was holding my hand in a tender and caring way. And mummy always tended to smile bright when we were together like that. "We love you, Angelica."
They were the best.
I just wish we could have been like that forever.
But too soon just their words which had been embedded deep down my soul and the fading after-images of their fond faces were the only things I had left. At the age of six or seven – I don't remember it correctly anymore – they were taken away from me.
"You are not alone."
But since then, I was. And I was suffering through a lot of pain.
Burns, bruises and scars all over my body are telling the story – the story of how my life and remaining hope started to fade completely.
At least my new parents never set a hand on my face. But how should I be grateful for that? For they were just doing so, to be able to hide their evil practices behind the facade of a happy family.
Yes! They were happy to torture me one day after another. They were happy to see me break and myself crying to sleep. They were happy to beat out all my life-forces and form me into their plaything and slave.
And I ... I've lost count over the blows of his heavy belt when I didn't come close to him the way he wanted it. I drifted off into another world, never understanding why and how a man is able to do such obscene things to an innocent child.
Agony became my daily companion when she pulled me at my hair and it felt like my scalp would rip off. Devastation and damnation in the following through their hateful hurting words and then another fist to strike me down.
Still, I never hated. I never inflicted pain on purpose. I always tried to share love. But fate and people never stopped to be cruel to me, no matter what I did. It's unfair, isn't it?
"I'm very sorry." A doctor's concerned voice suddenly pulled me out of my thoughts. "Miss?" I couldn't stand the whole situation anymore after receiving my medical report.
After receiving my ultimate death sentence.
I rushed out of his office and ran away as fast as I could while thinking about their devious grins and what they'd say if I'd inform them about my deadly disease. "You piece of shit! How dare you to die?" "So, that's how you are going to thank us? Then you'd really be better off dying."
It did hurt in an indescribable way and I was about to loose myself. But then I suddenly bumped into a stranger who was about to enter the hospital.
I nearly fell over, but he was able to catch me with his strong arms and helped me to stand up. "Excuse me. I'm in a hurry." Unsettled he watched his surroundings, while I felt at ease all of a sudden, being so close to a man I've never seen before.
At the same time I felt kinda guilty though to run into him like that, so I quickly apologized. "I'm very sorry, Sir. I didn't mean to stand in your way. Please forgive me for being such a nuisance."
As I looked up, his gaze wandered over my face. Then our eyes met and I was spellbound from the very first second. For real it was just a fleeting moment of eye-contact, but it was like time stopped existing when I lost myself in the mirrors of his incorruptible eyes.
I felt happy. But then I pressed on as my mind was about to get flooded again by my heartbreaking memories and the thoughts about my hopeless future.
God's ways are indeed inscrutable ...
Our fateful encounter was the reason why I was able to hope and believe again.
And the reason for a blissful time full of love I yearned for so badly in dark suffocating silence.
But our love was never meant to be.
I knew that just too well.
And I knew ...,
I should have had never fallen in love with him.
But I just couldn't help it.
TO BE CONTINUED?