Thursday, July 6th, 2017, 6:51 AM
I hate my family. I hate everything about them. Arranged marriage? Really mom. Im only 19, I don't want to be married at this age. I don't even know if I want to be married to a girl or not.
It's confusing. I tell myself, Ok Jungkook you are meant to like girls, liking boys is disgusting but then, my actions say the opposite. This whole situation is horrible.
On top of that, they said I have to get married, 2 weeks after knowing the girl. That's not enough time to get to know someone on a good level.
My parents always have to find a way for me to hate them I swear.
The 7th birthday they got me a bird, but then, 2 days after, said that the bird was hazardous and poisoned it while I was asleep. How the hell was the bird hazardous? We had it for 2 DAYS.
My brain cells are leaving my poor intelligent head just thinking about it. I need to go to sleep, I have to work in 3 1/2 hours. Peace
Saturday, July 8th, 2017, 9:18 AM
Whoo Hoo Im out of the hospital. The doctor let me out yesterday because my legs were doing better, but, I couldn't write in my journal, I was too busy.
but do you know what this means?
I can see Jungkook now! Finally! I will be able to stalk him when he rides his bike, when he gets coffee, when he sees Taehyung, from under his be- Nvm Nvm, that's a little too extreme.
Anyways, I will be happier seeing him. I heard that Taehyung is going to his house tomorrow. He said that he will tell Jungkook about me. I don't know If I'd want him to know.
I want to be anonymous. Though, this might be my only chance to get to know him. Even though, I know a lot already, I want to get closer to him, I will be 100% happy all the time.
ill buy him everything that he wanted, I'll hug him every day and night, we will get married and then live a happy life.....Oh, I wish. Like that would ever happen. A boy can dream, right?
Saturday, July 8th, 2017, 9:57 AM
Guess what? IM GONNA SEE JUNGKOOK! CFDRYFVBUHCTIFUH. Thank you Taehyung for being the best flipping friend ever.
My dreams are going to come to light! Well, maybe not alll of them but my dreams of meeting him are. I've wanted to push myself to speak to him but I was scared. 1. Im not that good looking, 2.
I don't even know if he likes guys or not, 3. How do I know that he doesn't have a girlfriend already? Thinking of all this stresses me out so Im gonna stop.
Taehyung told me that he texted Jungkook to ask If I can come with him to his house tomorrow and he said yes though, so, that's a plus. He knows my name! What a miracle.
You know what I just thought about. How do I know that I will make it to even marry him at all? My condition can get worse and worse. My heart can stop pumping all together one day.....
My goal - To own Jungkooks heart before its too late.
Sunday, July 9th, 2017, 3:20 AM
I just had the most amazing day of my life. I met Jungkook face to face. I haven't stopped thinking about it for hours. Ok, I'll fill you in.
After I looked for my best clothes and put them on, Taehyung picked me up in his car and he drove to Jungkooks house which was huge btw. I've obviously seen it before but not up close like this.
We walked up to his door, my legs about to fall off, and Tae knocked. When Jungkook opened it, it was like I was seeing God himself. He was wearing tight jeans, Timbs and a loose white shirt.
My eyes were legit eating him, not gonna lie. The inside of his house was even better. It was so neat and tidy, the complete opposite of my house. His parents were a bit stern though.
They kept looking at me weird. Oh no, Jungkooks parents don't like me? How will I marry and bear his children now? I'll win their hearts, trust me.
The way Jungkook even walked made me want to eat him. Man, Im weird, but eh, gotta do what you gotta do amirite? He touched me 15 times today.
Yes, I counted, and yes, I am going to write that on my calendar. His hands are so veiny and rough, I want him to hold me with them.
Oh yeah! He took a picture with me! Taehyung had to ask for me and Jungkook looked at me weird for a sec but he said yes. Im like a crazy fanboy. One day I'll tell him, One day.
Thursday, July 13th, 2017, 4:16 AM
My chest was hurting a lot these past few days, this is why I haven't been doing much.
Thought I was going to be ok after getting out AND also seeing Jungkook because that always makes me happy, my heart didn't seem to keen with that.
I cant and I don't want to go to the doctors by myself or even go in general and I don't want Taehyung worrying about me all the time. He seems to be stressed every time he comes over.
I want him to be free and not have to worry about dealing with a grown man every day. Im not even surprised he hasn't come and checked on me. Sometimes I wish I was normal.
I wish I didn't have heart problems and I can go out and do things like normal boys do. Play soccer, hang out, go on dates, that type of stuff.
But no, I have to live in and out of a hospital my entire life because of a birth defect. Can't even get any proper sleep. What a lucky life I have right?