It's funny to me, the one thing we all hope will never happen is the one thing i've been waiting on for at least the last 20 years.
I'm sorry to say it, but I can not wait for the day that my parents separate. It has been used as a threat for as long as i can remember and just once I wish it was actually followed through.
Growing up I always knew my parents were "separated", I mean how could I not ? My mom slept downstairs, my dad slept upstairs.
I've never seen them kiss or hug or even laugh together like the pictures i've seen where they looked so happy.
I held onto those pictures, I kept some hidden in my room because it made me happy to look at a picture of my dad with so much love in his eyes for my mom,
a sight i've never once seen in my life and if it weren't for those pictures I wouldn't believe it.
We had a great childhood for the most part, we celebrated christmas together, had birthday parties, went to theme parks, it seemed to work.
I was always told they had stayed together for the kids, and I never questioned it, they had 5 kids together and as a kid all I wanted was to grow up with my mom and dad in the same house,
even if it wasn't how I saw on tv but boy was I wrong.
What could be worse then having divorced parents?
Living in a house with your father who hates your mother, and a mother whose self worth has completed diminished that she will stay no matter what.
When I was younger I used to run to my room and cover my ears so I didn't have to hear the abuse, I thought it was normal with how often it happened.
My brothers were teenagers at the time and would often jump in the middle to defend our mother, as my sisters and I got older we would do the same.
This became the unspoken responsibility of whoever was home at the time.
As I got a little older so did my parents, and the fighting became less frequent. I believe this is because us kids began to tower over my father, he wasn't a tall man but he was strong.
At this point those voices that were once so small and scared had learned that was we saw was not okay, we found our voices and defiantly learned how to use them,
but yet my mom still put up with it, and we couldn't understand why.
My personal guess now is after about 40 years of abuse she believed this was the life she deserves, she had grown comfortable with it, she had no longer cared for herself the way she once did,
she became depressed but never let anyone know she was hurting. She lost herself. He broke her.
More than anything in the world I wanted my mom to realize she didn't deserve to live this way, she fought for long enough,
she did everything she could to keep us safe but in the process lost her own safety.
The second she decides to leave is when her life will start again, but how do you tell this to someone who is in denial?
Her response is always "i'll leave when i'm ready" but the truth is she'll never be ready.
This is not something you will ever be ready for, it will be scary, it's going to be hard but it will be so worth it, Enough is enough, when will you realize this ?
Stand up for yourself, make the first move, get the house appraised, hire a layer, do whatever it takes, to take back the control and independence he once took from you.
I am still waiting for her power to be found, until then I will continue to stand up for her.
this is my first ever written story, im full of emotions right now, it might not be in the correct format but i hope it reaches someone who might be in the same situation,
gain back your power and get out,