Personal Ramblings
Personal Ramblings sad stories
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fulong
fulong Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   2 years ago
A poem I wrote recently that I decided to upload here.

Personal Ramblings

Oh hello hello there!

It’s a nice time to write

This poem that I thought of

No need for a fright

You seem to like these

And I sure do like to please

So I thought in the shower

‘I’ll write another one then’

Maybe go on for an hour

Cause I don’t really know

How long this’ll be

It’s really just a freestyle

All about me

Maybe I’ll write a whole mile

Of good ole random ass text

Will it even have a rhyme scheme?

Say, what will be next?

Will there be any stanzas?

No, not at all

I think I’ll make a wall of words

That’s a few pages tall

And honestly

This isn’t even a poem

It reads more like a rap

But it beats my alternative

Which is to go to the bathroom and

Wait, I’m not gonna say that

Fill in the blanks if you’d like

But I’m not mentioning that crap

But really though

What else should I do?

I don’t have a job

So I can’t make any dough

And I don’t want to rob

Or battle my biggest foe

Let’s face it upfront

I don’t want to do anything

No way I’d go out to hunt

An unromantic non semantic fling

Wow you really are a cunt

And boy does that sting

You won’t make it in life

You won’t make it any kinda big

Cause that’s just not you

It’s just not what you do

What do you do anyways?

Ah, nothing

Even on those good days

Sorry sorry I digress

You’re not even the one I address

When I use a second person point of view

I use it when I feel I can’t redress

My mental state when I’m feeling depressed

I can’t seem to stop it

So I might as well repress it

And sort that little part of me

Into a different little pocket

Cause at the end of the day

I just do what I have to do

Even if it means splitting myself

Into a fragment or two

I put it to good use at least

I use it as a metaphor

I use it as a cue

In each one of my writings

And even my e-mails too

Cause I’m the one I get to talk to most often

I encourage myself not to go on stopping

And say that I better not think of ever softening

This facade that I put up

As I drink from my own little

Self righteous cup

And try to stop all of the apparent hypocrisy

That’s in the the world around us

But that’s hypocritical too you see

So I might as well just not even try

Maybe locate a corner

So I can curl up and cry

Maybe locate a cliff

That I can hurl off and die

It always comes on back to that

Doesn’t it?

Well I’ll just lay it straight out flat

For all of you to hear

The idea that I’d commit is

One of my greatest fears

But then again, where’s the end?

Of this poem or of this life?

Neither of which we know when

You could scroll on down

If you really wanted

You could go ahead and drown

Even in a hot tub

Death is ever present

In the end it’s all around

Would anyone care where I went?

Would my body ever even be found?

Would they gather round and weep?

Would they actually make a sound?

Would they rest their head and sleep?

Would they adorn a frown?

I won’t ever find out

Cause I don’t plan to peep

My life won’t end up being stout

It’s something I will keep

Now I’ve decided to end this impromptu poetry session

Thank you for reading, leave a comment, and peace.

Oh wait, it seems we aren’t done

I’ll continue this now, but not because it’s fun

It’s just cause I really have nothing else

My everything is dwindling

And I really wish I felt

Anything at all

Really

Anything at all

Well even though I wrote the first bit earlier

You should still write a comment on this document

Cause honestly it’s those I kinda miss

There part of the reason I write these

They make my condition feel mint

Even if it’s not

Which happens to be a lot

They make me feel more whole

And maybe fill a hole

That I didn’t know existed

My emotions feel so twisted

All the time

These tired rhymes

Are getting kinda trite

They all feel like the same

But they are the only thing keeping me sane

It’s a parody of my life y’know

Stay within the lines

And stay within my time

And keep a kinda rhythm

And do the same rhymes

Just keep on going in the same kind of circles

And even if you stop using constant poetic literary devices consistently

Just like you keep within the rules laid down strictly and unanimously

You’ve gotta keep the beat

You cannot let it skew

Be a little bit edgy

But still follow all the rules

And do not be like all those other kids

Who hit their fucking juuls

In a desperate attempt to abstain

From all the bits of arbitrary pain

And you’d love to reach out for help

You’d love to just grasp

With your cold emotionless bitchy little shitty fingers

But what would help even do?

Nothing for you

Keep writing depricative lines

While every friend ignores the signs

But maybe they don’t ignore them

Maybe they just don’t know about it

Cause you haven’t been very clear

Look, it’s like, I don’t ever feel anything ever at all. And then when I do, it fades after a bit and there’s that ever present question of if I ever felt it.

It doesn’t just come and go, it follows a pattern. It’s the baseline mood, the standard, the factory settings.

And sometimes it’s elevated and sometimes it’s the opposite, but isn’t that everyone’s experience? I really don’t get it. I just wish that it didn’t feel like I was chasing something forever.

Maybe if I found love I’d be satisfied with my emptiness. Or maybe if I became section leader. But I don’t think that’s true. I don’t think I’d be satisfied.

But maybe it’d be different if I got someone who made me laugh and smile. Maybe if I just got someone to date, right? But god damn it would just change relations if I asked someone out.

And I don’t really want to lose anyone in the way that I did before. It really fucking sucks. I just hate it so much. I’d be satisfied with you but still wouldn’t be satisfied with me.

I dunno anymore. Human emotion is confusing. And why is it so weird if you like someone as a romantic possibility? Like whether I tell them or not, it’s still just as true.

It would just be a normal fact if I said ‘I like you’. So why do people leave me when I present that simple fact.

Also it’d be really great if I stopped keeping the same flow because this paragraph isn’t supposed to be about that.

But that was all besides the point

I guess when I wrote this I just wanted to vent

To some sort of auditory audience

But then I up and went

And spilled my thoughts out on the page

And if I really want an audience

I should test reception if I sent this online

Since I’m having all these thoughts at such a largely young age

I guess I’ll tell everyone that I’m fine

While I search for an objective

And I’m not sure what I want to achieve

But I hope this poem was effective

At making you don a smile

Cause it seems like you only do that

Every once and awhile.

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