She's sorry, okay? She didn't mean It, she didn't mean to lose control and lose her cool for not the first time in public- but it's hard! Okay?! It's not as easy as people seem to think.
It was unexpected, when it happened, and instantly her nails were biting into her palms and her teeth were insistently nawing at her lips; but not enough to bleed just yet.
Everything was then so much louder, all the noise from just inside, amped up by ten thousand percent it seemed and every conversation was buzzing in her ear in an attempt to just- make her listen
And it disgusts her how she has to walk away, take several steps back; almost falling when she steps awkwardly backwards down a small level, ankle twisting slightly as her heel is on uneven grass
She can't describe it - that clawing at her chest making her want to scream but also no - she can't.
It's more than panic, but less than fear. She knows this and so she turns on heels and looks away. Unable to take the bright lights for much longer.
And oh god how she's sorry, sorry for what, she doesn't know. She feels rude, though, somehow. She wants to apologize for it even as she takes several steps forward.
She can't face the bright lights, where every way she turns she's met with bright colours and brighter personalities.
She's tried to drink but it didn't help - she thought ice in her water would help her cool down but all it did was make her hate the condensation of the glass under her finger tips.
Barely a slip away from falling to the carpet but she couldn't bring herself to care as she set it on a table somewhere - or maybe gave it to somebody? She doesn't quite remember
But as she walks all she knows she needs to remember, is the need to breathe. To be out of there before they could notice
And that's fine for her, she doesn't mind because she feels better now, walking alone in the night (no matter how much people say it's unsafe - it probably is).
And she's sorry, she is, no matter what people say. But she doesn't know how it started, how she even forgot to breathe in the first place.
But it's quieter now and that's that, so she takes a breath once more and feels a feeling of freedom, no longer a tightness in her chest.