I remember it hurt. Looking at him hurt. The kind of hurt you feel in your chest when all you want to do is scream and cry hoping it will make the pain go away.
It all started out one summer night.
Who knew that one night could cause someone to hurt so much? Who knew that one summer night could make someone cry every night into their pillow hoping it will all be worth it one day?
That someone is me. I hope every night that in the end all this hurt is worth it. But, I'm afraid that it doesn't work like that. I know he didn't mean to hurt me.
He probably doesn't even know he is. His intentions were never to make me feel the pain that I feel now. I want to hate him. I want to be able to never speak to him again and be okay.
But it is not that easy. It will never be easy. Any girl knows that pushing these feelings away for someone that you will so much for is not easy. I've learned that one day I will be okay.
I will be strong enough to let go. I will be able to say enough is enough. Right now, is just not that time. That time will come eventually.
I don't want to scream in his face for making me feel like this. I don't want to expose him to everyone. I want to thank him. I want to thank him for making me strong enough to go through this.
I want to thank him for teaching me how to feel for someone. I want to thank him for teaching me how to love myself even at the hardest of times.
I want to thank him for making me realize that I am not weak. One summer night made me a new person. A person who is not afraid to love and a person who is not afraid to feel.
He hurt me time and time again but I am now okay. I will be okay. You will be okay.