Walks
Walks critique stories
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floatingdust
floatingdust Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
Critique needed on poem

Walks

I walk my pain in the mornings and

If he can't sleep, in the nights.

When I see others pulling on their leashes like gravity on the world,

And growl like they've hidden god's

wrath in their teeth,

(While mine pulls on my hand less than the breeze on my hair)

And whose teeth are dull and fall

Short of blood,

I know I must feed him more

and walk him more

And love him more

What will the people say if I am not bleeding?

And when I see him on a different leash

I mean to say

It has taken years to fall in love with him,

How dare you do the same?

So, hi. I want to hear someone give me their completely brutally honest opinion on this. I genuinely want to know what it is like to read this from the perspective of a stranger.

So if you've read it (thank you!) I request from you your completely honest opinion on it. Don't think of being kind or giving 'constructive criticism'- I want it the way you thought of it. Also a rating out of 10 wouldn't hurt either.

Thank you!

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