Me!
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fizzanaseemversatile!
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago

Me!

by fizzanaseem

I have shine less eyes

and a pale face with antique smile,

I have messed up hair

and I get lost somewhere in a while,

I burst into laughter, and then

I'm dead silent

I gossip to much at a moment

and forget about it being so violent

People say you look sick,

and I just skeptically look back at them,

I always lose my words to answer

I just swallow and overwhelm

I know I'm not sick, I'm just being engulfed by,

Something, inside, growing

I am in a fight with myself

I am just not showing!

Stories We Think You'll Love
fizzanaseemversatile!
6 months ago
The Addict
Hello, I just want some honest comments for the st...

fizzanaseemversatile!
a year ago
Deprivations!
This is just a random writing!

fizzanaseemversatile!
a year ago
Hopes



fizzanaseemversatile!
a year agoReply
@bernardtwindwil I thank you Sir for considering my work good and yes I'm going to take your comment seriously :) I'll try my best to improve!

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
The expression of emotions and thought is beautifully conveyed. I would suggest reworkeng your stanzas so that they were more lyrical. For example" I have shine less eyes and a pale face with antique smile," My eyes do not shine Both have a 5 syllable count but I think the flow is better because you are not asking your readers to back up and reread. This was heartfelt and beautiful. Good work.