I hate you, I love you
I hate you, I love you love stories
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felonious
feloniousincrediblesubstantial.tumblr.com
Autoplay OFF  •  10 months ago
Like, comment, follow. Ever lost someone?

I hate you, I love you

by felonious

I fear that I will never fully understand

the intricacies of your mind, nor the depths of your heart or the weight of your soul.

It is as if you are adrift in a sea of torment,

merely floating, drifting, wandering. On the surface you appear fractured, frail, and fearful.

But beneath I sense a strength I’ve never seen.

A powerful force and a limitless desire, a burning passion.

I find myself enamored by these thoughts of you,

it is a plague of my every thought

My constant waking breath,

taken in an effort to know you ever deeply. Yet try as I might I only seem to find myself farther from your truth.

Often times I start to believe,

that this is how you would prefer it. Confusion and ambiguity become the normalcy of this ethereal dance of souls. Through this vague abstraction of near makes and long misses I attempt to define

yet purposefully miss.

As if to weave a web of prose,

around the idea of what I feel you to be.

That is what it is,

an idea.

Long embodied in a physical form,

yet ceaselessly drawn into abstraction.

I have failed you in this.

The very moment you turned from the tangible

into the indescribable, the moment you transcended this worldly form and took on another meaning which wholly resides inside my minds eye.

It was then that I had lost you forever,

lost the reality of what you are,

of what you could be, and traded it for something less defined, less concrete, less understood.

I found comfort in not being able to understand

for it gave me a purpose. It gave me a reason, yet I fear that you could feel this too. You could feel the moment you ceased to be you and started to simply be.

I have loved the way in which my heart

has been drawn through this journey, sometimes dragged through the ragged pain and sorrow and often times exalted above all as if floating on a cloud.

It is a journey that I can ne'er put to words

and would dare never to try.

For in my world you exist in perfect harmony

simply the way you are.

Although you may never exist in a tangible form

in my world, you shall forever exist in my minds eye as the greatness behind it all, an all invasive theme that inspires as well as shames.

You have become guilt, you have become pain,

you have been embodied in an ink drawn name, etched above my heart and there for ever more.

What was once a being has become so much more.

I owe to you more than words can hold,

I’ll die with a heart that never would know, the secretes behind your eyes and the sorrow in your prose.

I’ll forever see in you,

my wilted crimson rose.

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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
10 months agoReply
@felonious Facing one's own mortality at any age sucks. I thought I was invincible for 64 years. That is when I was diagnosed with polymyositis. I was given 5 years to live. I am now 2 years over that. I consider everyday a freebie. Just last week my physician asked me which of my 9 cat lives I am on. She says that she loses track. It has been my experience that life is 80% pain and 20% glory. I am still waiting for the glory. You take care that you do not live like a monk. Take life in big bites.

feloniousincrediblesubstantial.tumblr.com
10 months agoReply
@bernardtwindwil seeing as my life expectancy is drastically diminished I will never know the length of that struggle. It must be a wealth of experience and emotion. How sad to face to legitimacy of one's own mortality at only 23.

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
10 months agoReply
@felonious That is a remarkable life plan. I have been following that plan for 41 years.

feloniousincrediblesubstantial.tumblr.com
10 months agoReply
@bernardtwindwil thank you, if only she knew the depths of my love, I will undoubtedly spend the rest of my life attempting to show her

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
10 months agoReply
This was really beautiful. Your writing of words chosen so carefully underlies that worshipful respect in which you hold this sprite of femininity. You did a fantastic job conveying your love and your description of her ethereal nature. Great job!!!!!