and here I am again waiting for it to get over. crying in the school bathroom, realizing I only hurt people. I can't be happy, but I don't have the right to be sad either.
People around me always ask why I'm not happy. I never answer them. Because I always get the same answers: but your life is so great, you have enough money and you get good grades.
I don't know why I'm sad it's going on for 3 years now. The only way to get over it is cutting. I don't want to but sometimes having pain feels like heaven. It feels like drowning ..
You know when you are underwater and you look up and see everything but like a shadow. I know people aren't proud of me. I see the disappointment in there faces.
People don't like me and I act like I don't care but I do.. if people don't like me how can I like myself? Do you get me? Of course, you don't nobody does. They say they do but they never do.
All the people say they have the answer to it like: go out, see some sunlight and make some friends. Friends are not the problem I have enough friends.
The problem is that I always disappointment them. So I push them away then I only hurt myself. But the hurt from inside is so bad sometimes that I'd rather die.
But I'm afraid to kill myself so I'll keep cutting. Nothing is better than seeing blood running down your wrist and realize there is still some life left inside.
but I changed the knives for cigarettes and the drowning is from alcohol.