The one who destroyed a part of me. Who forced me to do things I wasn't ready for. The "super-senior" who made my best friend break down. Who ruined my life.
When you're friends with my rapist
I find it hard to be friends with you. When you sit together at lunch, I never feel safe walking by. If he's around, I can't even say hi.
Do you not understand how it makes me feel?
To know that you remain friends with someone who violated me. It's not like you can say you didn't know it happened. I told you it did. I told you it bothered me. That I was uncomfortable.
I don't like saying it: the R word
For so long I blamed myself, so it still feels wrong saying it. But I know now it couldn't have been my fault if I kept saying no and that I didn't want to.
If I could say it more, I would
I'd tell everyone to be wary of the "super-senior" who hurt me. I would beg them to cut off ties with the boy who sent me to a psychiatrist. But it's hard for me to say. He was once my friend too
You're still friends with my rapist
And I think I have to give you a choice now. Be friends with the victim who rather not even talk about it, or the rapist who probably gloated about it once or twice.
My story is mine
So I ask of you to please not let me be just a story of his