Karma was something she believed in. She could not get out of her head the times she told, to several girls, many times: ''Let him go. If he likes another girl, you should not like him.''
By then, it was easy to say something like that. But things change.
And some people leave you with a storm called life. And some people come into it, just after the abandonment, as a wild bullet through your window. With no permission. With no warning sign.
They just land, face you and tell you:
"Here I am, completely willing to make your whole life a total mess.'' And that is, in fact, one of the most beautiful things anyone could ever do for someone.
II. Vicious Circle
Every day is an inner war: Why does she like him? and, how does she stop it? Every day is a vicious circle: She is an idealist.
So usually, time after time, her whole world full of true love, fantasies and adventures, makes him perfect for her. But he is not.
It is obvious that he is not.
So there goes the pain and the disappointment again.
But then, she promises to herself a hundred times at night that she'll leave it.
Not him, because he is the best thing she has,
but her stupid feelings for someone who would never, ever, notice her as beautiful. As intelligent. As perfect.
As the girl he wants.
So this is the part that explains why it is called a vicious circle:
The next morning, regardless of all the pain he can actually cause, she is, and she will always be in love with him again.
III. The girl
If you’ve ever read about the girl who is a helpless romantic, that is her.
If you’ve ever watched a movie about the girl who thinks that holding hands is wild enough, that is her.
If you’ve ever heard about the girl who can’t be in a relationship because doesn’t know how to act in one.
Or the girl who stare at the boy and it is not because she wishes to have him in her bed, but because she thinks he’s beautiful.
Or the girl who would like to drink coffee with you, not because she likes coffee, but because she likes you.
Or the girl who would like to walk beside you and remain silent for awhile.
Or the girl who would just smile slightly when you give her a compliment. Or the girl who would lie for you, even though she hates lies. Or the girl who feels alone after a party.
Or the girl who would rather stay home with you, make popcorns, chocolate and watch some funny movie.
Or the girl you can wake up at 3 A.M., because you’re having an existential crisis, so you can ride in your car with her until it passes.
Or the girl, and especially this girl, who would write a book about you with every broken piece of her heart.
All these girls are her.
But you don’t really like all of that in a girl, do you? Or maybe it is just that you don’t know it yet. But if you’d do, it wouldn’t make any difference either.
IV. She loves.
She loves the way he makes her smile. She loves the way he cares a lot about his hair. She loves the way he is way too sensible.
She loves the way he loves dogs so much. She loves the way he talks so funnily about his mother.
She loves the way he likes to get late to school just because he knows she’ll scold him when he gets there.
She loves the way he calls her every night even though she asked him not to. She loves the way his fingers move when he salutes.
She loves the way his smile is there every time. She loves the way he is there for her when she needs it.
And she loves that she could find fifty reasons of why she loves him.
However, there’s one single thing she hates about him:
How vulnerable she is when it comes to him. How deeply and madly, he is able to hurt her with everything he does or say. Because he loves the girls more than he would ever love her.
V. The End
There’s an end for every tragic beginning.
And theirs wasn’t fully caused by her. Not at first, at least...
Eventually, your heart demands to heal, but you ignore it. And eventually, people realized what is really happening, and they... they don’t choose to ignore anything.
So she ran away from him.
She escaped, although there was always a tiny light of hope that screamed and demanded to be heard. Every time, it said to her: ‘’He loves you back.’’
So I guess that is why she was always coming back to his arms. But loving your brother the way she loved hers was simply insane.
Her parents noticed. Her friends noticed. I noticed. And he eventually noticed, too.
At first, I didn’t understand what she felt. I hated her.
But she left, and I found her journal, so I understood, like no one else, that her love was pure. Real.
More beautiful than the superficial love you usually see on the streets of your city.
And if there is one thing I can say to defend her from the critical and judgmental eyes is…
Love drives you completely crazy, and we don’t always choose the one person that we will love for the rest of our lives.