how it should have ended
how it should have ended how it should have ended stories
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elizabethsernia
elizabethsernia Rey Skywalker
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
comedy

how it should have ended

We begin in Darth Vader's Star Destroyer. A hologram of the Emperor appears before a kneeling Vader.

Darth Vader: What is thy bidding, My Master?

Emperor: There is a great disturbance in The Force.

Darth Vader: I have felt it.

Emperor: We have a new enemy. I have no doubt this boy is the offspring of Anakin Skywalker.

Darth Vader: What?! I have a son?!

Emperor: Uh, no. I said Anakin Skywalker has a son. You are Darth Vad-.

Darth Vader: I HAVE A SON! THIS IS WONDERFUL! (running off) I MUST SEE HIM!

Emperor: Where are you going?

Cut to the bridge.

Darth Vader: HEY, EVERYONE, HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEWS?! I'M A FATHER! WOOHOO!

Cut to the trooper quarters.

Darth Vader: I HAVE A SON, STORMTROOPERS!

Cut to a window.

Darth Vader: I HAVE A SON, ASTEROIDS!

Cut to the bridge again.

Darth Vader: HEY, BOUNTY HUNTERS, GUESS WHAT?! I HAVE A SON! DID YOU KNOW THAT?!

Cut to a random hallway.

Darth Vader: I HAVE A SON, TINY LITTLE DROID THAT DRIVES AROUND THE HALLWAYS!

Cut to the bridge again. The ship begins going into hyperspace.

Darth Vader: I HAVE A SON, LIGHTSPEEEEEEEEEEE-WHOA!

They jump. Cut to Cloud City.

Darth Vader: (to Lando) This is amazing! I feel alive again! Me and my boy ruling the galaxy! He's going to be so excited!

Several minutes later...

Luke: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Noooooo!

Darth Vader: I know you're upset and it's all a little shocking but, honestly, I'm just so happy to finally meet you!

Luke: You cut off my hand!

Darth Vader: Ah, don't be a baby, Luke. I had both my arms and legs cut off.

Awkward silence.

Darth Vader: As I was saying... Join me and together we can defeat The Emperor and rule the galaxy as father and son!

Luke: Hmm... That does sound pretty good. But do we have to rule from The Dark Side?

Darth Vader: Yeeeeeeeees, that's how it works.

Luke: Then I'll never join you. (lets go of his support and falls into the big drop) See ya!

Darth Vader: (Using The Force to grab Luke by the leg) Whoa, hold on. Where do you think you're going?

Luke: AW, COME ON!

Darth Vader: This is not a negotiation.

Luke: LET ME GO!

Darth Vader: I'm your father and I say we're going home.

Luke: YOU'RE THE WORST DAD EVER!

Darth Vader: More like the most powerful Dad ever. Hehehe.

The End.

Cut to Dagobah.

Obi-Wan: It just dawned on me that you ARE the last trained Jedi. Maybe you should not have let Luke go alone.

Yoda: Hmmm... Maybe getting cut in half for no reason, YOU should not have!

Cut to Cloud City. Lando presses a button to reveal Darth Vader at a dinner table.

Chewie: RAWR!

Han starts blasting at Vader, who blocks every shot with his hand until...

Darth Vader: (using The Force to take Han's blaster) Whoa! Whoa! What are you doing?! Y-! You shot first!

Han: Yeah. Why wouldn't I?

Darth Vader: O_O I, uh... I don't know the answer to that.

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