We've all got that friend with a perfectly proportionate face. We've all got that friend with an Audrey Hepburnesque nose.
We've all got that friend who can afford to eat a whole pizza every other week and it never seems to provoke any weight gain whatsoever. We've all got that friend who believes in astrology.
I've been lucky enough to meet more than one of those types of people and keep them as dear friends for the better part of my life.
They all have a different feature they are obsessed with and most of them truly believe in astrology.
It's either the perfect nose or the perfect breasts or the perfect height or the perfect metabolism. It can never be the perfect hair because I'm the one who has that. Just saying.
I would never tell any of them that I recently bumped into my ex boyfriend on the street.
I believe that sharing information of that nature with people of these specific social groups (that don't need plastic surgery) is the equivalent of voluntarily starting a
new conspiracy theory on Facebook. It's painful and useless.
When I meet a girl with a perfect nose and I end up enjoying our conversation and her views of the world,
I know that her nose is going to be brought up and become a topic of discussion when we go out to get drunk for the first time.
It would start somewhere in the middle of the evening and morphe into the better part of our time spent together.
Beautiful people tend to focus on their beauty once they are intoxicated because they know they're not allowed to really do it when it's daytime and they're sober.
"There's one thing I truly love about myself and I would never change it. I love my nose."
"You do have the perfect nose. You are so lucky."
"Do you see how small it is?"
"You kind of look like Audrey Hepburn."
Does the size of a woman's nose really matter in this day and age? Men never get judged by the size of their noses. In their case, the more nose the better.
In fact, men with bigger noses tend to be considered as wiser, sexier and more experienced.
They have rugged looks, they are allowed to look cool in leather jackets and they smoke cigarettes on the corner of the street.
Women, on the other hand, are supposed to have perfect noses that don't take up most of the picture.
If they're not born with such a nose, they ought to get a loan from their parents -- or from the bank -- or pursue a rich fat boyfriend in order to get it surgically done.
They need to use a picture of Kim Kardashian to get it just right, so that society accepts their tiny nose and gives them the opportunity to lead a normal life on Instagram.
"I got my nose from my grandmother. It's definitely my best feature, don't you think?"
"Absolutely. For sure."
The truth is I don't want to get a nose job because I don't want to look like everybody else. Haven't you noticed? All girls look exactly the same right now.
The hair color -- but not the hairstyle -- is the only thing that differentiates one from the other. They've all got the same nose, the same lips, the same butt, and the same eyebrows.
Yet authenticity is heavily advertised and written about in the media.
Authenticity is presented as this magical concept that gives you superpowers and a tireless motivation to follow your dreams.
However, does your unique authenticity include having the perfect nose? Because if it doesn't, you should really go back and rethink your strategy altogether.
"I know this nose will get me my dream guy someday. I even know how we are going to meet. Just like my grandparents. They were both Geminis, you know."
"Do you think it's a good idea to date a man who's a Gemini?"
"No, of course not. I'm a Leo, so all my boyfriends need to be Leos. I just want to go somewhere and lock eyes with a handsome stranger across a crowded room.
I want him to have a good look at me and then walk towards me in a seductive way."
"He stops right in front of me and tells me that he wants me. That I'm the one he's been searching for all this time. He would then grab me by the shoulders and whisk me away into the night.
We marry on the next day and live happily ever after."
"But he doesn't know you. You don't know him."
"It's written in the stars."
These people rely upon fairytales and a happy ending because they understand the concept of love as the only source of happiness there is.
"But what if he's not a Leo?"
"I doubt that. I'm pretty sure he'll be a Leo. It happened to my grandparents, so why can't it happen to me?"
"You mean where you got your nose from? Your grandmother?"
"That's exactly right."
Friends like these can be defined as romantics. They are dreamers of a particular kind. They are confident and they're oftentimes foolish. But they are also needed.
We need them because they're different and refreshing. They've got something to offer and that something may be superficial but they truly believe in it, right?
Friends like these have small noses. They believe in astrology. They are bold and have no filter. They use filters on social media but they don't see anything wrong in doing that.
They look for love and they know their Prince Charming has got to be the heir of a multi-million dollar company because it was meant to happen that way.
Friends like these will always make us wonder whether we ought to go and get that nose job, so that we're finally capable of trusting the stars instead of what we're going for right now.