Not having kids.
Not having kids.  mother stories

electrasapphic Community member
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
a tumultuous decision i just have to make

Not having kids.

every time my cells respire

they tell me to run in the other direction.

towards the menacing branches of fate,

to give in.

but i can't do such a thing.

i refuse to run back into the hope

that i'm strong enough to be worth another life,

to nurture without anger,

to teach the right things,

to lead by example.

but the truth is

i don't live without anger

i don't know the right things

i don't lead by example.

another soul can choose to bind,

but a mere child must be loved with eternal kind.

i know im not eternal enough

to keep someone happy when i'm feeling rough.

vast depths of poison occur

mind is a mess and i know id prefer

to die alone knowing i've not caused hurt

than to live a lie of thinking i've been more than dirt.

kids need someone who's gonna do it right

and i can't live a lie thinking it's going to be alright

because it probably won't be.

i'll get better then collapse and cave in again

or pass on the nastiness of hereditary snare

the reason why i'm saying this is because it's not fair

to feel tormented by someone who cares.

i don't want to have someone to care for

if they grow to love me but hate me and wonder

what was it all for?

i could focus on helping my friends their loved ones

but i could watch something incredible grow from nothing

watch a dove, untainted by society teach me everything i didn't know

and in exchange i'll love them like an extension of nature

and we'll laugh and cry and love like ive never loved before

it'll be an adventure like no mountain or stage could ever give me

but then i remember.

deeper and deeper

it's not for good,

i'll watch them grow

i'll watch them go

from a distance

i'll go to my friends and say hello

and as i leave, a kiss i will blow.

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