every time my cells respire
they tell me to run in the other direction.
towards the menacing branches of fate,
to give in.
but i can't do such a thing.
i refuse to run back into the hope
that i'm strong enough to be worth another life,
to nurture without anger,
to teach the right things,
to lead by example.
but the truth is
i don't live without anger
i don't know the right things
i don't lead by example.
another soul can choose to bind,
but a mere child must be loved with eternal kind.
i know im not eternal enough
to keep someone happy when i'm feeling rough.
vast depths of poison occur
mind is a mess and i know id prefer
to die alone knowing i've not caused hurt
than to live a lie of thinking i've been more than dirt.
kids need someone who's gonna do it right
and i can't live a lie thinking it's going to be alright
because it probably won't be.
i'll get better then collapse and cave in again
or pass on the nastiness of hereditary snare
the reason why i'm saying this is because it's not fair
to feel tormented by someone who cares.
i don't want to have someone to care for
if they grow to love me but hate me and wonder
what was it all for?
i could focus on helping my friends their loved ones
but i could watch something incredible grow from nothing
watch a dove, untainted by society teach me everything i didn't know
and in exchange i'll love them like an extension of nature
and we'll laugh and cry and love like ive never loved before
it'll be an adventure like no mountain or stage could ever give me
but then i remember.
deeper and deeper
it's not for good,
i'll watch them grow
i'll watch them go
from a distance
i'll go to my friends and say hello
and as i leave, a kiss i will blow.