well, i honestly been having mixed thoughts. i really am not able to analyze what’s actually bothering me. isn’t it too late already? 17 years on earth and i’m tired.
did not nothing much ended up feeling that life is meaningless. It’s the same cycle. the starter pack is where we’re so enthusiastic about things we wanna be. I do not know why i feel this way.
if this is all that life is gonna have. i don’t think i’m going to be happy. ever since i was a kid. i wasn’t good in school. i never found interest in any of the topic at all.
i ended up going more into the creative stuff. i would enjoy every second of the rehearsals and also performing. I mean it’s obvious! it was in school.
but my mom always told that everything-started from scratch. i couldn’t agree less but. what else? i ended up studying something in high school that i know i would forget it one day.
i mean lets be honest. no ones ever been happy with things for the long term. The saddest truth in this world is. once you shine and the next you’re forgotten.
things you love will not be the same thing you’ll end up loving anymore. our body changes, thoughts do not remain the same.
but one emotion that will not change is still seeing happiness and still being sad and unsatisfied.
God is this all? how do i see life? like the people expressing “life’s amazing, life’s a blessing” or is it just a mistake or a punishment because till today i can’t seem to get myself happier.
I could hear people saying you’re still young you haven’t seen the world.
i as an utter failure in school with science and studying all the crazy things. it was never my cup of tea. I wanted fame. I was always into singing and performing and i wanted the fame.
Just because my mind was making me believe that i will be loved. i will have support. ill have money. i will be happy. Ever since i was in school. i wouldn’t say that i had the best time.
I didn’t fit in. i didn’t get along with the other kids. My family isn’t a place i could be happy either. I sometimes thought i didn’t belong here. i am useless to be said in one word.
Ive seen so many people with their fame. ive seen so many artists who try to connect with people with their music. In the end we need to realize it’s all our minds. I wanted to be that.
but to be known by the people in this modern world. It is equal to “impossible” because everything now needs an influence. To get all of the fame and fans.
Influence is the main thing that we need to outshine as a great artist.
who doesn’t wanna be famous? Our desires are the one thing that we might not understand now but they are the main cause for letting ourselves down.
ive sometimes seen few people who rose in fame even though their useless. i started getting jealous. It is a human nature to be jealous someone being at their best.
The famous people keep telling they are depressed. That’s the thing we won’t understand until we’ve had enough.
Getting something in abundance will one day make you wanna just quit everything and not want it at all. If we are going to get sad about something one day what is the purpose of doing it anyway?
I have been so sick of getting confused because life. Life as a human being. we need money. To eat and go live and to survive.
What will i do? what will i do when i am a failure? all i could do is do something more in artistic field. singing is one thing in which i could be the best.
call it a hobby but all i have is “hobbies” nothing more than these. Getting support is another main thing which can be hard as it is a risky field.
but i ask myself, is this all? we need to do to live? If this is all, then i don’t wanna live. yes i haven’t experienced anything yet. What is beyond life? i don’t see any purpose for me.
It’s easier for the famous people to say they’re done. atleast they have something to survive. They could go in spiritual path to seek something beyond.
I feel like none of this will make sense to me. i am frustrated with everything because everything that i’ve been doing is a waste of time.
what i wanna do will take away my whole life to earn it. because of the luck factor. The conclusion is that this world needs losers to balance. I might be one of them.