You say I got “daddy issues”? Man, fuck daddy issues. Fuck the word daddy. I have daddy issues like I seem to search for a father figure in every man I meet.
Yeah, sure, I have daddy issues. You wanna know what my daddy issues are? It’s my issue with the word daddy.
I have an issue with that word because I was not a daddy’s girl but sweet fucking jesus I wanted to be.
I wanted to be a daddy’s girl like I wanted him to help me build shit and I wanted him to teach me how to throw a ball faster than light and I wanted him to be there for me.
My issue with the word daddy revolves around an under the table secret in my family that my mom slipped through her lips to me when I was thirteen.
My daddy sexually abused one of his daughters. Not me, not my sister. A different daughter. How fucked up is that?
But it’s more fucked up that when he came for visits, and I put on clothes that were deemed too tight by my mother, I was the one who had to go and change.
Because boys will be boys. Even grown ass men will be boys. And the more fucked up thing is that I never questioned why I had to go and change my clothes.
My mom just told me to put on something looser and I did it. Because how many times have I been ready to go to school and looked in the mirror and remembered the school dress code?
How many times have I looked in the mirror and measured the width of a tank top strap with my fingers to see if it’s wide enough that I won’t distract the boys at school with my shoulders?
This is not just about my daddy, it’s about all the daddies that molest their little precious daddy’s girls.
This is about all the daddies that get away with it.
This is about calling your male lover daddy because it’s sexy.
It’s not sexy.
This is about boys getting turned on by being called daddy by a girl. This is about power dynamics and how fucking destructive they can be.
This is about self-awareness, wait, what does this mean? What does it say about you that you want to play pretend incest?
There is nothing playful or pretending about my daddy.
There is nothing playful or pretend about how he stopped paying child support and my mom was a single mother raising two kids on her own.
There is nothing playful about living on food stamps because my daddy was too shitty to pay up for the shit he got himself into.
There is nothing sexy about how my dad is old enough to be my mom’s dad but they got married when she was 27 and he was 46.
So if you wanna tell me I have daddy issues, you’re absolutely fucking right. .end.