What Am I Doing Here
What Am I Doing Here self-hate stories
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davorite-̗̀there's bravery in being soft ̖́-
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago
I wrote a style imitation of a passage from Joan Didion's "In Bed" for an English class, and while this was not the piece I submitted, I really liked the style so I used a similar run-on sentence structure to write about self-doubt and general self-negativity, something that I struggle with quite often.

What Am I Doing Here

by davorite

I faced off with self-doubt

on the battlefield then,

implications of this confrontation barging, always barging

into the railings of my trapped mind and spirit as I went to school attempting at first to ignore it,

but then found myself sitting

a distance away from the discussion with tears determined to spill over,

taking everything being said around the table

and twisting them around in my own horrible words so that the only person I can hurt is myself,

then in bathrooms frantically scrubbing my face away,

screaming “You’re not smart enough, not kind enough, not strong enough” over and over in my head,

stumbling home in a daze,

burying myself in homework in a hunt for a distraction,

wishing only for NASA to come

and shove me into a space shuttle and launch me out of the stratosphere,

and then concluding with doubt that

perhaps today was a bad day and that tomorrow will be better.

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