You always told me that I was your number one But when it came to making time for me, you'd make excuses.
Then I'd find out you were saving that day for another bestfriend and I'd pretend I was okay with it.
"Oh, I see. Just update me when you can, then," I'd say. But I always hid the subtle pain I felt.
Why was it subtle? Because I found replacements right away. There were other people willing to be with me.
And I was so happy, I didn't wait for your "update". Instead, I hung out with those friends who accepted me with no excuses.
When I was already out with my friends, I suddenly received a message from you. "Sorry, I can't come. She wouldn't reply."
"Well, it's alright. Let's just go out some other time." You know how I felt?
I felt unexpectedly relieved. "Who would need you, anyway?" I said in my thoughts.
I know, it's wrong to say that but at that moment I realized that you didn't see me the way I saw you.
I was willing to change that. So, I stopped asking you for hang-outs.
I didn't wait for your invites either. I was completely done with you. You were out.
Now, you remain as my friend. But not like before.
Just, a friend who I won't let into my heart. I didn't tell you about this realization of mine.
Though personally, I'd prefer it that way.