Summer stories

cosmonautsaysRamon | 18 | LA | Gay
Autoplay OFF  •  2 years ago
The laments of a high school graduate heading to college without any clear intentions.


by cosmonautsays

After graduating...

...the coming months are silent, lonely, confusing. For those months, you are left alone to wallow in your thoughts. You are to question your purpose, your desires, your goals (or lack of so).

What do you want?

The question that was once easy to answer when you were 8 years old becomes impossible to answer during these months. Career wise, emotionally, materially, it's difficult to formulate an answer

I don't know what I want...

...but I do know what I don't want. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be lost. I don't want to live the life I'm living right now. I don't know what I want, but I know I don't want this.

My friends are leaving me.

They're all going to amazing places, knowing what they want to do in life. And they aren't coming back. It's still a few months until their departures, yet they've already cut me off.

I'm still learning.

I'm still young, I have my whole life ahead of me. I still have time to turn things around. What I lack is motivation, incentive, the desire to keep on fighting

Summer depression peaks during these months.

I don't know what to do. I still fight simply because I have no other option. The results are the same; I still don't know what I want.

I want summer to end

I long for autumn. I long for school to begin so that I may drown my existential crisis in stress and work. At least then I don't have to answer that dreadful question.

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