I never knew you could not be in the mood for Christmas.
I thought I was this year as I enjoyed the songs for the holiday.
But pain surged in my chest when I realized what Christmas was all about.
Spending time with your family.
My family is shattered and chipped in so many ways I don't know what to do.
My mother is emotional and scarred by the pain my father caused her.
My youngest sister loves Christmas however our moods affect hers.
My oldest sister's try to keep us safe from the explosions and away from the family issues.
But no one can avoid Christmas.
No one can avoid the akwardness in the air when Father visits with our presents and mother is broken even more when he's around.
The tension in the air is more than anyone can hide.
And later that night there's yelling outside.
Mother's crying in her room. The doors locked.
Father leaves abruptly to the other woman he loves so much. With barely any goodbye to us.
And us sisters are left in the living room with the music playing gently. The lights on the tree are on. And we are all lost in thought as the silence takes us from one bad moment to the next.
I suppose I am dreading Christmas.