By CJ Hale
Sometimes I swear I can't feel anything.
And it scares me.
But somewhere in the corners of my being a storm is brewing.
And I know I can't control it.
It builds. And I need a release.
I need to feel something. Something that will wake me up.
Emotion surges, and it consumes me.
Pain. It takes me over, and I can't stop it, and I feel, slimy in my own skin.
The truth is, I'll never be good enough, and truth hurts.
And I need the pain to go away.
And the pain escapes when I place the razor to my wrist,
And the mental pain escapes me, and the physical takes over.
But I feel, better...like I've finally gotten what I deserved, and rid myself of the nagging voice in the back of my mind.
And then I realize what I've done.
And again I feel disgusting in my own body, but I don't know how else to deal with this pain.
So I blind myself to the havoc I've wreaked upon my body.
And I let the painful cycle begin again. And I can feel my soul being chipped away, and I lose myself in painless pain.