So lately, I just haven't felt that desire to write my usual thoughts. Commaful has become the place I can freely express myself and today, more than practice, I just wanted to speak my mind on how I feel at places such as my job or in public, in general. It's debilitating to pretend and here are some thoughts on that. Thanks for your support!
Do I really have to do it? Yes, give that stranger a smile and tell them all will be okay even though you know well it's not and that deep down you will not care about their problems afterwards.
Do I really have to say that? Abstain yourself from doing it and let everyone else think you are a heartless soul. Go on, now. Force that compliment through gritted teeth and shake that hand with confidence. You never know when you might need a favor, after all.
Am I supposed to cry too? Well, you could choose not to do so and guess what, the facade of innocence and purity will go straight to hell. You hate it but make an effort to reach for that tissue.
Is my laugh loud enough? Look into that person's eyes as you muster that fake laugh and say something nice. You know how troubled that soul is and you're just going to crush their feeble attempt to hopelessly dream they are good at being funny? Come now, that didn't sound real enough.
Was my question correct? They took their time answering and some had to think it through so yes, you did fine. Remember you must look as if you're interested though you know well you don't give a crap about whatever is talked about. Time isn't exactly stopping for you and I know you want to go back to work...
Can I please take a break? Don't be foolish. Taking a break is only showing weakness and you can't afford that. You live in a world where you have to fight or fly, and you weren't born to run away. Keep working and don't even bother look in that direction. Nighttime will come soon.
Should I be feeling so wrong? The spirit of freedom has never suited you and neither has the one of rebellion. You know deep down who you are and where you're going. Nothing and nowhere. Respectively, of course. No more thinking now. Even in that sense you're useless.
Can you please stop this? No, sweetie, I can't. I am here to remind you that you are nothing but a troubled soul that can't still find her place in this world and that no matter how many days pass by, your problems will not solve themselves. That money will not arrive and your blue prince has a wife.
No more questions, please. You may wish to keep your thoughts private and not set them free as you're doing now because you know well they will judge and their fingers will type away. Go on now, publish this already and see how right I am. And I better not see a single tear or a single regret.
I often wonder...
...I often worry...