Shock
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chelseyCommunity member
Autoplay OFF  •  5 months ago
I got a prompt and this is what came of it.

Shock

by chelsey

The sirens pulled my attention away from the body

The hand on my arm pulled my attention away from the window.

The voice attached to the person that was shaking me

pulled my attention away from the hand on my arm. “Can you hear me?” Blue eyes come into focus in front of my face.

“Have you been shot?” A ringing filled my ears.

“Can you tell me your name?” The events of the past few hours suddenly clear in my head. Laughter fading into gunshots. Gunshots into screaming. Screaming into sobbing.

The person is shaking me again. When did we get outside?

“Can you tell me what happened?” Smiling face looking at me. Laughing as he kept the remote out of my reach.

Blood. Blank staring eyes.

Sirens. When did we get here? The events pour out of me my throat raw and sore. I must have been the one screaming.

"We were...we were just sitting on the couch....

and then..there were shots and he went down...I..I couldn't tell if he was alive...or..if...if he was...d.dead....but it didn't matter.

It didn’t matter because they just came into the house

and shot him again and again and again and again. They must have shot him at least ten times.

He told me to run and hide when he first saw them

through the window and I just hid. I hid in the closet while he was shot. He never did anything to anyone. Why would anyone hurt him?"

A nurse gets me when the cop is done asking me questions.

“You’re safe here. You’re safe now. We will take care of you.”

My side hurts. Why is it wet?

Floor. Cold. Black.

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5 months agoReply
@sydney thank you. I'm glad you like it seeing as you are the one who gave me the prompt.

5 months agoReply
@easter_ebeneser She was in shock and didn't know that she had been shot and she either passed out or died at the end but it is for each reader to decide. Is there anything else you would like explained and thank you

sydneyVerifiedco-creator of Commaful
5 months agoReply
wow!! poetic story in many ways. i love the pacing of it, especially the start where you were able to pull the attention of the reader so effortlessly from one area/event/feeling/action to another.

5 months agoReply
great story!! can you explain it a bit more? i think i get it. but it's really creepy!

5 months agoReply
@lisa oh thank you

lisaSilver CommaCats
5 months agoReply
@chelsey i liked it!!

5 months agoReply
@lisa is that good?

lisaSilver CommaCats
5 months agoReply
holy smokes :O