"Mrs Kowalski, Lisa's in the National Final, you must be so proud!" "I'm prouder than a predatory cougar riding a 19-year-old pizza delivery hunk."
"Erm, this is a family TV show." "Whatever."
"Lisa is incredibly light on her feet, how does she do it?" "I make her walk on hot coals." "What!"
"My poppet goes the extra mile, although in reality, the coals are only thirty yards long." "Thirty yards! Mrs Kowalski, have you heard of child cruelty?" "Are they a new boy band?"
"Security! Don't let this whack job leave the building, and somebody phone the cops!"