Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.
You don’t like me? Shame! I need a few seconds to recover from this tragedy!
Do you always act like an idiot or do you just show off when I’m around?
Grab a straw because you suck.
I hate you so much that, if I were in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, you and three bullets, I would shoot you thrice.
If I wanted to listen to an asshole I’d fart.
Acting like a dick won’t make yours any bigger. So just fucking stop.
You’re like the first slice of bread in the packet, everyone touches you but no one wants you.
You may not be the dumbest person on Earth, but you better hope he doesn’t die.
You are the load your mom should have swallowed.
It’s impossible to underestimate you.
I envy everyone who hasn’t met you.
You’re the reason why tubes of toothpaste have instructions on them.
If ugly was a day, you’d be a month.
If laughter is medicine, your face must be curing the world.
I had a wet dream about you. You got run over by a bus and I pissed myself laughing.
I hope your fingers change into fishing hooks, and you get an itch in your balls.
I hope your day is just as pleasant as you are.
Does your ass ever get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth?
When I first grew my hair out in high school, someone said to me: “Did your barber die?” They did. ￼￼
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s really hard to pronounce.
5'2 but my attitude 6'1.
I do a thing called what I want.
It's okay if you don't like me. Not everyone has good taste.
What's a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.
I know I'm a handful but that's why you got two hands.
I’m single because I was born that way.
Sweet as sugar. Cold as ice. Hurt me once, I'll break you twice.
My lips are the gun. My smile is the trigger. My kisses are the bullets. Label me a killer.
"Are you free tomorrow?" "No, I'm expensive."
This is my cup of care. Oh look, it's empty.
If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.
It’s the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
I like my coffee how I like myself: Dark, bitter and too hot for you.
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