THE DAY EVERYTHING WENT WRONG
THE DAY EVERYTHING WENT WRONG comedy stories
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boblong
boblong Life is fun! Enjoy it!
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
A funny story about a terrible day

THE DAY EVERYTHING WENT WRONG

It was a Saturday. Probably the worst Saturday ever. No, I take that back. Probably the worst day ever.

My girlfriend and I had decided to take a day and see what we could find that might interest us. Sort of, planned spontaneity.

At nine that morning, we had jumped in my little MG sports car. We didn't take anything with us but our hopes for a new and exciting adventure.

We had no plans nor a direction to travel. We took a road heading eastward to get out of town. We travelled for about fifteen minutes before we turned north.

A while later, we turned again, heading southeast.

There was no rhyme or reason for any of our twists and turns for the next two hours. We were hoping to get lost in the hope of finding something new.

After a while, we began getting hungry and decided to look for some place to get some lunch. As we drove, we saw signs for a beach that we didn't know about.

We didn't know that there was a river or lake nearby that was big enough to host a beach. All we thought of was that there is usually food near a beach. We decided to follow the signs.

Another half hour of driving brought us to a small country store. I pulled over and we went inside to get directions to the beach. Maybe directions to a restaurant, as well.

The store appeared large from the outside but inside, it seemed small. I thought that the store owner must live there, as well as run a store.

We saw a man sitting behind a small counter with an old fashioned cash register. As we approached him, I asked if he could help us.

"What can I do for you folks?" the man asked. I told him that we were trying to find the beach that had been advertised on the signs we passed.

"You don't want to go there," he said, "Nobody goes there during Spring. Too secluded, you can get lost."

Since my girlfriend and I wanted to "get lost" to find new adventures and possibly have some time together alone, it sounded perfect.

I told the man that it sounded perfect for us. After a few minutes of listening to all his tales about people drowning and wandering into the woods to be found days later,he gave us directions.

His warnings sounded like the tales our parents had told us when we were younger. Being twenty years old, I knew that I was too smart to encounter the problems that we were warned about.

All it takes is common sense. I may not have had much but I thought that I had common sense.

About three miles of twisting roads later, we encountered a small lake. We followed the road until we came to a section where the high water swallowed the road.

I backed my little sports car until I found a place suitable for a picnic. We had bought some cheese, crackers, assorted canned meats and a couple of sodas at the store we just left.

After a meal eaten off the trunk of my car, we decided to explore. We waded down the road until we came to the proper lake. It was beautiful.

The lake may been small but it was ringed with pine trees and honeysuckles, giving it a sweet outdoorsy scent. I suggested a swim.

My girlfriend was hesitant at first, since we had no swim suits. I reminded her that the man said that no one came to the lake at this time of the year.

The water was cool, but not cold, as we waded the road, so I eventually convinced her it was safe to do a little skinny dipping.

It's funny how most women act as if they don't want you to see them naked, even if you've seen them naked before. My girlfriend was no different in that regard.

As she undressed, she took great pains to keep her breasts covered. When she removed her pants, she tried to cover that area as well. I didn't say anything about it to her, though.

I stripped off my clothes and began wading into the water. When I was chest deep, I saw my girlfriend move both her hands to her breasts since she was waist deep.

As she and I began swimming, we played around by splashing each other and diving underwater to grab the other and pull them underwater.

After an hour, we thought we should get out of the lake and drip dry.

Her modesty now forgotten, my girlfriend walked calmly, and unashamedly, on the shore. We found a small area covered in pine needles and sat down to talk.

As we lazed on the bed of pine needles, the sun dappled lake lay before us as serene as we were. It had turned into a wonderful day.

When we were nearly dry, we walked back to where we had undressed. Or where we thought we had undressed. We couldn't find our clothes.

We continued walking toward where we thought we had undressed, until we were certain we had walked too far. My girlfriend started to panic.

I calmed her down by saying that we had probably gotten turned around while we were swimming and ended up on the other side of the lake.

I said that I would swim back out to the center of the lake and locate the road that we had waded to find the lake. Once in the water, I found that we had exited the lake on a different shore.

I swam back to my girlfriend and led her back to the road. Unfortunately, the terrain was rougher than I imagined. There were pine cones and sticker bushes. There were briars and insects.

By the time we found the road, we had been stuck, scraped and bitten so much our adventure was becoming a nightmare. When we get home, we may feel differently, though, I thought.

We waded our way back to the car and looked about for our clothes. They weren't there.

My girlfriend went into "modesty mode," thinking that someone was spying on us and holding our clothes ransom.

After a cursory search, I learned that our shoes had been dragged to the edge of the thick underbrush.

Examining the area, I saw drag marks on the ground where things, our clothes presumably, had been taken into the forest.

I told my girlfriend that it was probably a dog or raccoon that has stolen our clothes. I told her that I'd retrieve them and be right back.

I entered the underbrush wishing that I had had enough common sense to wear my underwear while swimming. My undercarriage was receiving quite a beating.

I made my way through the underbrush and came to a clearing where I learned that I was right. A raccoon had taken our clothes.

But, it wasn't one raccoon. It was a whole family. Further, they had taken our clothes up a tree. They were revelling in their newfound treasure toward the top of a pine tree.

I never was good at climbing trees. Pine trees are especially hard because tall pine trees, such as the one I was facing, didn't have any low hanging limbs to grab.

All I could think to do was throw pine cones at the raccoon family, in the hopes that they would relinquish our clothes. Unfortunately, they were higher than the light pine cones would travel.

I looked about for rocks to throw. That's when I heard my girlfriend shriek and start screaming my name. I raced back to the car.

I ran headlong through the underbrush without considering my delicate areas, much to my chagrin.

As I emerged near the car, I saw my girlfriend cowering away from a family of oppossums, who had come to snack on our picnic remains.

I saw further evidence of my lack of common sense. Since there were no trash cans at the lake, we deposited the remains of our lunch in the car.

When my girlfriend thought of sitting in the car until I returned, she found the oppossum family munching happily on our left overs.

I turned my attention to removing the oppossums from the car. The problem there lied in the fact that oppossums, when under attack, pretend to be dead. I had to pull them out by hand.

As soon as I grabbed their tail to pull them out, they went into attack mode and promptly snapped at my hand. It took nearly two hours to extricate them from my car.

By the time I thought about our clothes again, it was starting to get dark. I was not going back in the woods and get lost in the darkness. But, what could I do? My keys were in my pants!

After getting the car clean enough to convince my girlfriend to sit in it, I had come to the realization that I would have to hot wire my car.

I pulled the wires from my ignition switch and began touching them together until I found the combination that allowed me to start my engine.

My girlfriend crouched as low in the seat as possible to avoid being seen by passengers of other cars as I drove. On the way home, truckers had a great laugh as they glanced in my direction.

When I got my girlfriend home, I honked the horn until her Mom came out to see what was wrong. Seeing us both naked in the car, I thought she was going to faint.

We finally convinced her Mom to get us some clothes that we could put on before coming inside to explain what happened.

Another hour of explanations and lectures ensued. I made it home around eleven and immediately tried to doctor the most sensitive parts of my body.

My girlfriend and I had an adventure that we would never forget. She also never forgave me for the humiliation she received.

But, boy, what a day!

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