It seems like yesterday that she received her first diary. But, as she looked at all the diaries piled on her dining table, Sarah realised that she had been keeping a diary for years.
Sarah is getting married next week and needs to decide what she's going to take to her new home and what she will be leaving behind. It's a new start to her life.
At twenty-five, Sarah is happy she is getting married. She loves Tyler and doesn't know what she would do without him. She just hated getting rid of the past. Her past.
Sarah picked up the oldest diary. She had stacked them according to years. The first one read "2007 PRIVATE!" Sarah's thirteen year old self had written in it everyday.
The diary revealed Sarah's feelings of confusion, self worth and minor romances. Of course, at the time, they weren't minor to her. Sarah gushed about all the boys.
As Sarah re-read the written words, she experienced the joys and pains of a girl becoming a woman. The heartbreak of failed loves seemed overpowering back then.
The silliness, the letter i dotted with hearts, rainbows and unicorns hand drawn on each page, it all brought back the memories of middle school. The boys, the teachers and other girls.
Sarah saw names that she didn't remember, even though the words said she would never forget them. The "practice" love letters gave her a nostalgic smile.
Sarah opened the next volume. At age fouteen, she wasn't much more mature than she was the year before. Yet, there was a subtle shift in tone. It wasn't as dreamy.
As Sarah leafed through the diary written by her fourteen year old self, she remembered more of the people she wrote about. They weren't in her life now but she remembered them.
The memories of fourteen year old Sarah were more organic. Sarah was starting to see the supeficiality in people and the world. She was more idealistic.
At fifteen, Sarah wanted to change the world.
She saw problems that she wanted to eradicate, yet her twenty-five year old version knew that those problems were the same problems all people encounter at fifteen.
Some problems stay the same, generation after generation. Problems with parents, teachers, authority in general. The beginning of the rebellious age.
Even though Sarah didn't think she was very rebellious back then, according to her diary Sarah was fighting hard against the system. Sarah didn't know that the answer came with age.
Sixteen saw Sarah fall deeply in love for the first time. His name was Jimmy.
Even though Jimmy was described in flowery language, with numerous hearts around the margin, Sarah didn't remember his face.
Sarah remembered how madly in love she was with Jimmy. "It's strange," she thought, "how we can have such a shallow love and yet feel it so deeply."
Seventeen saw a change in Sarah's writing. Her entries were shorter and less frequent. The first few years, Sarah wrote every day, even if it was some angsty teen poetry.
But, at seventeen, in her senior year in high school, Sarah was much to busy to write every day. She had cheerleading, running for class president and homecoming queen.
The only thing absent that year was talk about her newest love. Sarah didn't have a love interest in her senior year. She knew she was going to college so she decided to leave her options open.
Nineteen brought college and the complaints that it brought. Sporadic comments about dates, some of the boys' names, raving over pizza at a favorite hang out.
Sarah's musings wended along the hopes and fears of life after college and the type work she would do. She wondered if she'd ever meet the right man and get married.
As the Sarah of today re-read her former self's writings, she was reminded of dorm mates and boys that were turning into men before her very eyes. Sarah noted more maturity in her writings.
At twenty, Sarah was a sophmore and had fewer complaints about college. She had learned how to budget her money enough to splurge on alcohol once a week.
Sarah learned that pizza was great junk food but it was too expensive to eat it every night. Some recipes showed up in her diary, as she became more domesticated.
Sarah laid down the diary. She looked at all the diaries stacked before her. That was her life before today. She read through them with detached amusement. It didn't seem real.
Yet, Sarah knew that every word that was written, was written by her. The handwriting may have changed a bit, but Sarah had written it. But, Sarah had changed.
Sarah started back at the beginning and re-read every word that she had written over the past twelve years. Sarah never saw where she had changed. Inside, she was still the same girl.
Sarah sat, and as she sat, Sarah saw that the changes in her life were just like the changes that everyone goes through. She was silly, foolish and stupid at times.
But, aren't we all?
Sarah picked up the diaries and placed them in a box labeled "TRASH." Sarah didn't need her thirteen year old words of wisdom. She wasn't wise back then.
Sarah didn't need to be reminded of all her former boyfriends and heartaches. She has a man that she is marrying next week. She learned what she needed to learn.
Sarah never decided to stop writing in a diary. She simply decided to write less about the trivial things that people encounter every day. They were big when she was young, not today.
Sarah is starting on a new life next week. She won't take her old diaries with her. Sarah doesn't need old baggage. Especially baggage that she doesn't want to carry.
Sarah's diaries may be going to the dump, but Sarah is moving on. Sarah is starting over in a new life.
Her diaries are a testament to her birth as a woman. That young girl is no more, even though she still lives inside her. Sarah has a husband to help her with any problems.
Till death do they part.