I'm a hypocrite and I don't mean to be.
A lot of my thoughts and opinions are extremely contradicting and I don't understand myself or my opinions or decisions.
I want to go in my brain and start making incisions.
But where would that get me? Probably nowhere fast.
Does it really matter, though? I always finish last.
My past tries to grab me and hold me down tight.
Between us two, it's never a fair fight.
I say one thing and I do something else.
But I swear I don't mean it like the way that it felt.
I can hardly keep up with myself everyday. I realize it's not okay.
But what do I say? I gave up on pleasing those I once tried to obey.
I want to be different I want to change.
It's hard when I feel like I'm somewhere out of range.
Like I'm here, but I'm not. It's tough to explain.
And that's why I usually just don't- I've accepted the pain.
The pain and the solitude. It's what is left.
Yeah there are moments I smile and laugh and do what they expect.
But inside of my mind, it's not what you'd expect.
They keep telling me life goes on, no matter what.
I know- one door opens, another one will shut.
That's not my point, it's different than that.
Its like my body is here, but me? I dont know where I'm at.
And how do you help someone with a problem like that?
You dont, you just leave it where its at.