I never expected to be this girl. To be the one who had no hopes of love, no expectations of romance, but the girl who expected a disconnect when it came to men.
The girl who wasn’t going to get married but who was going to giver her body away for a moment in time to feel loved or to feel anything.
After awhile the heart becomes numb, the body becomes drained, and your mind is left with nothing not even hope. Everyone seems the same... boring.
The girl who was never going to be looked at like how they look in movies, the girl that was never going to belong to anyone. It’s scary...
thinking that you won’t belong to anyone, that no one will ever care for you with the most purists love and intentions.
It’s okay, I’m okay I say when the reality sinks in. I fill the void with false happiness.
Every night is a party, with myself or friends, I can’t say no to alcohol and I laugh because they say it’s food for the soul. If I don’t think about it then maybe it isn’t real so I run....
I runaway from it all because it’s easier, it’s better. It’s normal now.
A drink or 2 or 6, mixed with a guy that I will never allow myself to get attached to because I believe they are all the same.
While everything seems dull and gray, my heart numb, body drained, and my mind empty that’s when it happened.
I never expected you. I never expected to be saved or to regain hope, but... no it’s just... why?
I think to myself why me or how could this be?
I push and push you away but you won’t leave. You won’t give up. You look past the damaged soul that I have become and you hold me.
I try to wrap my mind instead of my legs around the new feelings that are filling my body but it’s something I never imagined I’d feel...
I wonder what he sees behind my eyes, because I felt there was nothing, just emptiness that I could never officially fill.
Your touch enlightens me, your smile enriches me, everything about you scares me.
This was unexpected yes, and I am terrified of what’s to come, but isn’t that when it’s the best love? The kind that you didn’t go find, but the kind that found you.