The catch-22 of a sick mind
The catch-22 of a sick mind sick stories
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blastimus
blastimus but they since rose, and won the day.
Autoplay OFF   •   a year ago
...

The catch-22 of a sick mind

Over the years people found out about my problems,

It had to happen one way or another so I never tried to hide them when I got confronted...

But every discussion ended the same way every single time...

Nothing solved, just bitternes...

...

Whenever people asked if they could help me in any way, nothing came to my mind...

I had been sick for so long I didn't even know if it could get fixed, I've never even gotten to thinking how...

The only thing I could tell those people is:

The only thing I could tell those people is: "Don't worry about me, It'll all just pass with time..."

And sure enough people would stop worrying and everything went back to normal...

At first I was glad that I wouldn't be wasting anyones time...

After a while the glad turned to stress, nobody bothered to ask me about it anymore, I felt like I did something wrong...

The stress turned to apathy, I gave in, I wanted to truly accept that nothing was ever going to get better, that I was just meant to be this way...

The apathy...

Stayed...

And stayed

and stayed

and settled deeper

and deeper

...

It was never leaving, nothing brought joy or any other feelings than sadness

I wasn't angry or bitter or anything else

Just sad

Sad because of what I was becoming

Because I was never able to find a way out

I hurt myself because I believed it was all my fault for not being able to find something that gave me meaning, that got me out of this vicious circle

I was sick of fighting myself each day to get out of bed and to try and look normal to others

I was spiraling out of control

I barely held myself toghether

I barely hid my breakdowns

And all that effort to stay afloat...

I still have to make it every day

Every

Every Single

Every Single Day

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