It started with a comment
Strangely enough, it was one from my own mother
She stated how she used to be able to see my collar bone but now she couldn't.
She then proceeded to critique my attitude.
However, that was just the beginning
From then on if I ate more then a plate all I could hear was her comments, no matter how trivial they really were, to my 14-year-old brain they meant the world.
From then on I checked my weight constantly, hoping and praying that I weigh less.
But no matter what I did, I couldn't seem to lose weight just by eating healthier.
So I started skipping Breakfast and if I can lunch as well.
I started to notice a slight difference.
Even my mother started to comment on how I've lost weight.
When she speaks now she doesn't seem to care about the countless meals I've wasted, the smaller portions I've been eating or how my outlook on life has completely changed.
All she seems capable of seeing is my new found looks.
Now that she can see my collarbone, that was just the beginning
If I put clothes to the side to donate I need a reason, even if they are supposedly my size. All I can see is my thick arms and bulging stomach.
Since that time two years ago I've changed a lot, but one thing has stayed the same.
That one stupid comment has changed my view of my self
I no longer see beauty, all I can see is the blackness that is death.
But I'm hoping that one day I can be free of these silly shackles I let my self-be placed into,
So that one day I won't think in terms of numbers on a scale,
Maybe then I can actually learn to love my self a little bit more.
But what I find strange is how no one has ever noticed, no one cares how I don't eat as much for lunch or how I completely skip breakfast.
No one notices my lack of motivation or energy, no one will, and no one ever will. Because in reality I really am a ghost, rarely getting sean and rarely leaving my comfort zone.
But maybe again one day I will attempt to live!
Then maybe all of you guys will attempt to live too.