So its over a month into school?
I'm already stressed, depressed and thinking too much.
Am I done already?
Do I keep thinking of how some people are right?
When I'm sitting doing my homework do I remember what I wish to forget?
Do I keep hearing words that were spoken hours, days, weeks, months or years ago?
Have the words sunk in yet?
Do I see how they see me?
Am I going to tell them to stop?
Am I going to tell them that I hate it when they talk like that?
Do I wish I'd get told to stop with the self-deprecating jokes?
Do I keep doing them?
Am I tired of being called
Are they my friends if they call me these things even if it's in a joking manner?
Do I care?
Am I going to do something about it?
Why does one put up with "friends" when all they seem to do is make you feel inadequate?
Do they make you happy sometimes? Well, what about the rest of the time? When you do something stupid that only you seem capable of doing that you wish they would all forget?
When they bring it up constantly? Don't you want to feel good? Don't you hate feeling as if they don't really want to be your friends? That feeling that they only keep you around for the laughs?
Why won't you change?
Why are we all incapable of leaving when the situation is bad?
Do we fear the unKNOWN?
Do we fear what might be said?
Who we might hurt in the process of leaving?
Do we fear the possibilities?
Or do we fear what we cannot change?
Do I fear not having anyone?
Am I too attached of my own good?
What will happen when I try to stand up for myself? How will they react?
I think its time to finally do something.
I keep thinking of all the negative effects.
Of how if one friend goes the others are sure to follow.
Of how they will all leave me, how strangely enough I feel nothing to that.
Like I've grown too attached and I know it would be for the best if they leave.
Better for them and better for me.
But still, I can't stand the thought of them leaving.
Even if they are this bad, there are still the great days, when I'm really feeling down and the lift my spirits.
They get me to change for the better and it honestly helps.
Maybe it's me who has to evolve, stand up and actually speak. Maybe it will help even just a little.