My name is Dan,
I am an Angel.
Tiny little wings, yeah I know they should be beautiful snowy big jobs right.
Let me tell you those things weighed a ton, and anyway the fashion for that sort went out with the Ark.
I should know I helped tow the bloody thing out to sea. That was a laugh, it was a complete tub. It never would go in a straight line.
We were all flapping along like seagulls,
Noah standing at the helm roaring 'keep that sodding Moose quiet' and ' for Gods sake will someone clean up that steaming pile of Giant Sloth turds, I already trod in the bugger twice.'
Anyway I digress, sorry it's a habit of mine.
Today I'm here to do a little whispering. I need someone to do me a favour.
There is a young man about to jump off a building. He's 15 years old, and for him it feels like the world has ended because his girlfriend dumped him.
The first cut is the deepest so they say, and he's really hurting, bless him.
Of course the world hasn't ended, it's just beginning but he doesn't know that right now.
I have to pick a punter and persuade him to go and talk Joe out of it, because Joe has a job to do.
I'm going to choose Manny. He's the young man in the checked shirt down there.
In a few minutes Manny is going to look up from whatever he is doing. He will put down the packet of revolting cheese flavoured potato chips that he loves.
With a little encouragement from me he will go and talk Joe out of jumping.
He won't ever understand why he felt compelled to do it. But to the end of his days he will consider it one of the only truly good things he has ever achieved in his life.
So there you go, Joe will get over it. In a few years he will finish college and become a detective, one of the rising stars of the force.
Joe will really make his name when he catches his first serial killer. It will be the one they call 'Cheeto Man' because there is always an empty bag left at the scene, licked clean.
Joe will catch many killers but Manny will be the start.
Job done and ticked off my schedule.
It was kind of neat getting Manny to save the man who will eventually catch him. I like that, all the loose ends neatly tied.
Oh didn't you know, all of us heavenly ones have a job title. These days it's very corporate. I have a little sign on my office door it reads
Danny 'The Angel of Retribution'