The American bathroom controversy​
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bernardtwindwilGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago

The American bathroom controversy​

by bernardtwindwil

A Concise History of Crap in the 20th and 21st Centuries.

How we got to the palaces of poop we worship in America today. I feel safe knowing that evangelicals are monitoring my poop in order to save my eternal soul and keep me free from molestation.

When I was young we had a one holer

You were glad just to get there when it was vacant. Men, women, and the occasional critter all used the same facility. Gender did not matter. Warmth and smell mattered..

Public restrooms greater capacity

Even though capacity increased, the rules stayed the same. If you need it, use it. People still peed in gender neutral bushes. It was a society with freedom of poop.

After WWII we became modern.

Rules changed. Men's rooms and lady's rooms blossomed. A segregation of two genders and toilet paper. Privacy became supreme. The person in stall 2 had no idea who was in stall 1.

Luxury and excess emerged from a pile of crap

Status with luxury became more important than that which you were full of. It was noticed who came and went from these thrones.

Segregation meant crap could be equal but, separate.

This was the beginning of crap specific toileting. The religious folks thought that God was watching you pee. They were afraid that colored folks would rape white folks.

All XY chromosomes crap in the men's room XX in the lady's

The good religious folks from the old confederacy are protecting our souls from gender bending preverts who would corrupt our holy toilet water.

Do these look scary? I get to crap in the next stall.

I am amazed that women have never been raped before those heroic laws were enacted to specify toilets by chromosomal gender. I want my grandson to grow up in the next stall.

These women will be in the lady's room. I think.

Can you see the threat to me here? What if one of these girls crapped in the stall next to me? My masculinity would be threatened. My chainsaw would be confiscated and maybe my rifle.

DNA screening will be done and you will be tattooed. X or Y

This tattoo will be on your forehead and it will be unlawful to cover it or tamper with it in any way​. It would never do to threaten our species with a less stringent action.

Police will keep us safe.

In case voluntary efforts fail. The police will grope each toilet user to validate their gender package. This will assure our safety and eternal soul.

Just because it is rational does not mean it is Holey.

When venturing out of the confederacy, one's soul and body parts are in mortal danger. This will make it necessary to poop and pray at the same time.

Crap in Dixie where your soul is safe.

In Dixie, you can poop anywhere as long as your package is correct for the sign on the door. If someone switches the gender signs, they will be shot with an assault rifle.

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8 months ago
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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year ago
Perfect



sydneyVerifiedco-creator of Commaful
a year agoReply
great thoughts thanks @bernardtwindwil!! will definitely be working on all of those things :)

erofaerSilver CommaHow can I be impressive in one sentence?
a year agoReply
@bernardtwindwil No problem! (your writing has really made my day)

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
@sydney Y'all have corrected the issue of graphics landing on the wrong page. I love this site and do not want to see some young'ns get you or themselves in "deep kimchee" over posting graphics with obvious copywrite watermarks on them. These were on graphics on two different writers works. I am sure that they did not know the basic caveats for public sharing. Like I said before, a background tune, perhaps from youtube, would help set a mood. It would have to be one tune for the entire story as a screen by screen would be complicated and make a musical mess. For example, my poem would be nice with a selection of a Native American pan flute playing in the background. Think about this. What if Kohler toilet company sponsored an advertisement om my "bathroom controversy" story? You can stop laughing now. It was just an example. You, your staff, and all the writers here make me solidly hopeful for the future.

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
@erofaer I have had some travel obligations. They will be complete on Sunday evening. Monday morning you can expect me to return to my position as the burr under the saddle of the correct society.

erofaerSilver CommaHow can I be impressive in one sentence?
a year agoReply
I would love to read about more controversial topics from you.

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
@aliciakramer Yes, I am. I also have no shame and no humility. I love to talk about and write about subjects that make the shit heads of this world uncomfortable. I want to see you write a story. You and Neil have brilliant minds and vast experience.

a year agoReply
You are brilliant!

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
@leeburvine I am a walking encyclopedia of shit. Around a campfire, I could wax on for hours about shit, until everyone puked.

a year agoReply
Brilliant investigative journalism here. People really don't take shit as seriously as they should. Thank you for this.

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
@george I am so glad you enjoyed my abridged history of poop. I think the ideation behind the bathroom laws are both bizarre and irrational. American men just don't check out the equipment of the guy standing next to them at the urinal. I am in there to perform a task and get out.