The beauty salon trap
Be it nails , hair, or makeup. If your lady asks you if you like her new (insert anything). Change the subject, hide in the bathroom, join the foreign legion. This cannot be answered safely.
If you say yes
She will say, "You're lying you don't even know." or, "See I knew you hated the old way." or, "Tell me what you like about it." No matter what you say you will be challenged.
If you say no
"You don't love me" or, "You think I'm ugly." or "Do you want me to get it done like your new crush?" or, "You come next time and pick out how you want it done."
Don't get me anything for (insert holiday)
You cannot win this one. It happens at least four times a year.
If you don't get her something
If you don't get her something, you don't love her. She was only kidding and you should have known that.
If you do get her something
If you do, you don't respect her or were trying to one up her, or you were trying to embarrass her.
Does this (insert item) look good on me
Whatever you do, don't answer honestly. This is another where you have one foot in hell and the other on a banana peel.
Yes, it looks good on you.
Did you think I was ugly/fat/silly looking in the old one? Well, I don't like it, I just wanted to see if you would tell me the truth. The pitfalls are everywhere.
No, I don't like it.
Woe unto you. You don't like anything I wear, You hate me. You are afraid it so nice other men would look at me.
Does this (insert item) make me look fat?
This is the deadliest trap at all. You may already be dead. Suddenly become deaf, have a heart attack, do anything to find a safe place.
No, it doesn't make you look fat.
Oh, what does make me look fat? So, you think I am fat and this makes it better. Where am I the attest.
Yes, it does make you look fat.
You ***** I should ****** What in the ****** Who do you think you ****** Deadly. But if you say it. It should give you a couple of seconds head start to hide in the Dismal Swamp.
How do you avoid these traps?
Run to the bathroom and claim dysentery. Don't ever come out. Buy a uniform for the French Foreign Legion and tell her you have duty on the Sahara. Beg and cry, sometimes this works.