Relationship traps for all

bernardtwindwilGranddad & story teller,
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago

Relationship traps for all

by bernardtwindwil

The beauty salon trap

Be it nails , hair, or makeup. If your lady asks you if you like her new (insert anything). Change the subject, hide in the bathroom, join the foreign legion. This cannot be answered safely.

If you say yes

She will say, "You're lying you don't even know." or, "See I knew you hated the old way." or, "Tell me what you like about it." No matter what you say you will be challenged.

If you say no

"You don't love me" or, "You think I'm ugly." or "Do you want me to get it done like your new crush?" or, "You come next time and pick out how you want it done."

Don't get me anything for (insert holiday)

You cannot win this one. It happens at least four times a year.

If you don't get her something​

If you don't get her something, you don't love her. She was only kidding and you should have known that.

If you do get her something

If you do, you don't respect her or were trying to one up her, or you were trying to embarrass her.

Does this (insert item) look good on me

Whatever you do, don't answer honestly. This is another​ where you have one foot in hell and the other on a banana peel.

Yes, it looks good on you.

Did you think I was ugly/fat/silly looking in the old one? Well, I don't like it, I just wanted to see if you would tell me the truth. The pitfalls are everywhere.

No, I don't like it​.

Woe unto you. You don't like anything I wear, You hate me. You are afraid it so nice other men would look at me.

Does this (insert item) make me look fat?

This is the deadliest trap at all. You may already be dead. Suddenly become deaf, have a heart attack, do anything to find a safe place.

No, it doesn't make you look​ fat.

Oh, what does make me look fat? So, you think I am fat and this makes it better. Where am I the attest.

Yes, it does make you look fat.

You ***** I should ****** What in the ****** Who do you think you ****** Deadly. But if you say it. It should give you a couple of seconds head start to hide in the Dismal Swamp.

How do you avoid these traps?

Run to the bathroom and claim dysentery. Don't ever come out. Buy a uniform for the French Foreign Legion and tell her you have duty on the Sahara. Beg and cry, sometimes this works.

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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller,
a year agoReply
@ameagami You will be in a relationship. Remember, your dream guy walks into your life when you are awake. Be careful that your dream does not become your nightmare. You won't be alone if you get a dog.

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller,
a year agoReply
@louisetardif While it may be irony today, beware that when you are older and richer that it does not become an entitlement. My wife and I were very poor when we married. The more the money rolled it, our relationship changed because we were changed by having the ability to pay for anything our hearts would desire. Now in our dotage we have once again changed. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship. Enjoy it.

a year agoReply
This was so much fun to read , I don't know if I'll be like this if I ever got in a relationship , I think the real question is will I ever be in a relationship .... oh god I hope I don't end up forever alone , lol

louisetardifMy films:
a year agoReply
This was a very funny read. I find that in my relationship I ask or do these almost ironically. I find it so funny when women have these reactions that I take it upon myself to pretend to be angry at my boyfriend who also knows I am joking.

johnchangBronze Commajust a man discovering his superpowers
a year agoReply
@bernardtwindwil - reminds me of the Kobayashi Maru, aka "no win scenario.." :)

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller,
a year agoReply
@shana @chopiechipz @nitasmith @wethedreamers Thank you for the comments. I have found that no matter how feminist, that women are still feminine. My wife is very liberated, one of the things I love about her. She told me the main thing that differentiated me from all other men is that she felt safe and protected around me and it allowed her more freedom to be herself. Michael Martin Murphy wrote a song. You're Talkin' to the Wrong man. If he doesn't make you feel sexy and beautiful, cut him loose.

a year agoReply
Aaaaaaa.. Bernard... Understanding a woman is never easy.. But you have to deal with them accordingly... Just like we ladies have to try to deal with you men.. Great advices though.. We just love to feel beautiful and special and sexy all the time...

wethedreamersGifted WriterAnd we're a million miles away.
a year agoReply
Hitting too close to home here.

chopiechipzGod's work in progress
a year agoReply
oh yeah... this one's good...

shanaSilver CommaCommunity member
a year agoReply
LOL so true