For @johnchang et al
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bernardtwindwilGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
Autoplay OFF  •  a year ago

For @johnchang et al

by bernardtwindwil

Helping is addictive

I used to be a bleeding-heart do-gooder. It appeals to our sense of empowerment and our desire to be the "good guy". The secondary gain is intoxicating.

Helping is empowering

When you help another, there is an implicit superiority in helping. You , the helper, are granted power over the helped during the period help is delivered.

But helping is enabling

The old aphorism about teaching a man to fish is bullshit. Neither a teacher or a helper be. Whenever you help you enable helplessness and dependence.

Your time is a limited commodity

You have a life full of demands on your time. There is family, school, job, leisure activity, and rest. You must not neglect those essentials to tend to the downtrodden..

The number of people you can help is finite

You cannot help everyone. Not everyone deserves to be helped. You have to select who will benefit most by your help. And who will be the most worth to society.

It's a tough call​. But it is your call.

Do not let others or your sense of guilt propel you into helping when all logic says you should not. It is a horrible feeling at first, but you will see the sense of it in time.

Triage your magnanimity

When doing charitable work you have to triage. Who will fail even if helped What others will benefit if you help just one? What amount of help can you afford to give?

Know your limits

You have to know when you are beyond your competence or you are required more than you can afford. Be it time, money, emotion, or skill.

Serve your family and friends first

Once you have helped where it is required, then you may have the luxury of helping others. Don't make helping your job if it is not your profession. Kindness is rewarding.

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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year ago
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bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year ago
Wound



johnchangBronze Commajust a man discovering his superpowers
a year agoReply
@bernardtwindwil - (y) [thumbs up]

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
@johnchang That was probably the best lesson he taught.

johnchangBronze Commajust a man discovering his superpowers
a year agoReply
Thanks, @bernardtwindwil - y, one of the toughest lessons I've had to learn is that while our needs and desires are nearly infinite, our time and resources are not. A professor woke me up to this reality in my first year of undergrad engineering, when I struggled to keep up with my course work. I moaned that I didn't understand why, unlike high school when I got everything done AND still had time to "play," I was actually *failing* for the first time in my life. "Welcome to the real world," my advisor said. "From here on out, there will be more than you can possibly get done. All you can do is choose what you can afford NOT to do." Although I've made peace with this a bit, from time to time I still get caught up in the paradox of choice, wrestling with the basic question of "what is the best use of my time and resources? who is most deserving of my efforts? and maybe more importantly, why?" Without asking some of these basic questions, we may be missing the fact that priorities change over time, or the feedback the universe is giving us for our past understanding / assumptions.

bernardtwindwilGold CommaGranddad & story teller, tomthepo8.com
a year agoReply
@sydney @therinamartins Thank you my beloved dear ones.

therinamartinsSilver CommaWriter and Friend
a year agoReply
This brought tears to my eyes. It is well written, and I can almost hear you say it. Great job!

sydneyVerifiedco-creator of Commaful
a year agoReply
indeed a hard tradeoff. @johnchang