When I said "I love you" I meant it. Every word, every syllable, every letter. From the point on the "v" to the curl on the "y", I thought every bit through.
I thought about how to say it so many times that I could have said it to you 56 times by now. I said it once. You said it too but when you said it the "y" stuck straight and the "v" never bent.
The "i" was squiggly and the "o" was square. I should have known then but I didn't focus on it much. I heard the words but didn't listen till now. Now, I listen. I evaluate and dissect.
Funny how you still say it the same way you first did but now it means something totally different. Now, it is a routine for you. It is merely on your schedule.
I never had it on my schedule I made room for it. I never thought my heart would break from hearing those words but I also never thought you'd say them without meaning them.
So what now? We move on? You try to find someone that makes you mean it and I try to find someone who means it? But how am I ever going to mean it after what you've done?
How am I supposed to say those words to someone else just to go through this again? How many times does a heart break before it is fixed?
Because every time my heart breaks I feel it throughout me. I feel the harsh curve of the "e" and the steep angles of the "k". I feel the short nose of the "r" and the smooth slide of the "s".
All I really want to feel is the point from the "v" and the curl on the "y" but you've taken those feelings from me. You have altered them, developed them, made them your own.
You use them against me. But someday you will feel the wrath of the alphabet and I will feel its grace. One day you will get to "z" but for now you are still on "a".