My insides were screaming, and wailing.
I had a thousand yard stare.
I couldn't stop the playing of these details in my mind.
I tried to jar myself of this pain, this discord,
Nothing seemed to work.
It was like grieving for your best friend who had died.
I learned somewhere that you can trust a person with grief,
It is one thing that comes naturally to us.
But this was like grieving for someone close,
Someone who died centuries ago.
I was feeling my own mortality in this:
The worthlessness of my life.
We live so briefly, and we do all we can to live well;
But we have no choice in our death.
We have no choice in life.
As it was, I am no different than him.
I will live another ten to thirty years, only to allow my body to give out under me.
I would work myself to death.