Sleep. A privilege now. My body craved it, my mind begged for it and yet, every night was the same.
Caught in the limbo of not awake but barely asleep when my mind filled with twisting colors and faces as a presence drew near.
Hands explored my body as I laid helpless mustering every bit of strength within my being to try and fight them off. Voices whisper for submission – to take my place at his side.
I pray, willing my body to wake up and move, even just a finger to break his hold.
Night after night for weeks, I sat up in a cold sweat, panting in terror, scanning my room for evidence he was there.
Occasionally, the curtain would move slightly, or the closet door would be open when I distinctly remember closing it before I laid down.
My mind and body were on the verge of delirium from exhaustion. I begged for it to stop, demanding he be gone in a cracked and shaken voice and still, he persevered.
It was late, or was it early? Time was irrelevant. The only sense of time I had left was written on my face. Deep dark circles that resembled bruising sat below my eyes.
Hooded lids kept my vision narrowed. Pallor was the only color I knew, even the flush in my cheeks had faded into a hollowed resemblance of what they used to be.
My clothes became loose and practically hung off my body, no matter what I wore.
Thoughts were clouded and rambled with non sensical forms, except for the vivid visions he planted the few times I drifted off.
Red, black, blue, tortured faces, broken bodies – all this melding and morphing into pain, panic, and sheer terror within my being.
In the darkness, I sat up in bed staring out the window at the rain trailing long lines along the panes of glass.
It was black outside from lack of street lights and the fresh tar laid on the street.
The only light that was cast into my room was the bright white paint that layered every wall and door in the confined space and yet, the pattering of the rain echoed throughout the room.
My mouth moved as I sat motionless in the middle of my bed, pleading for just five minutes of restful peace. Please, five minutes. Please. Please.
Words formed carelessly on my lips, mimicking speech without a voice,.
The rush of pain started in my feet and filled my entire body within a few seconds. Caleb was near. Powerless to fight the feeling, I closed my eyes.
They welled with tears and my face grimaced slightly as the bed dipped next to me. “Please. Please.
I can’t-“ Streams of tears found their path, staining the side of my face as I whispered a plea for mercy.
Slowly, the surges dulled until they subsided completely. The spotted darkness I saw behind my eyes began to relax my body.
I could feel myself beginning to fall asleep, tears still trailing down my face. “Not yet.” His voice deep and rumbling in command, jolting me awake.
My eyes, still heavy, blinked repeatedly to clear my vision and wake what was left of my mind.
Caleb looked pleased at the sight of my exhaustion, bright blue eyes outshining the white paint in my room with a devilish grin placed on his face. “Tired?” He mocked.
“Fuck you.” I rebutted through gritted teeth.
“If only you did, you wouldn’t be in this state.” Grin widening in amusement.
He shifted his body back to turn and face me while lifting a bent leg to rest on my bed. “It’s inevitable, sweetheart.” Caleb began. “At some point, you are gonna have to give in.”
“No. I will never give into your sick game.” I snapped back in a harsh whisper.
His head cocked, and grin faded. “You’ve got it all wrong, darlin’. It’s not a game and that wasn’t a request.”
Surges of stinging electricity raked through my nerves, burning every fiber it could grasp. My body tensed and fists clawed for the bed sheet, as I fell back.
I shrieked in pain arching my back, gasping for breath. “Please! Stop! Please! Make it stop!” A ragged plea crying out for mercy.
Caleb moved to hover over me, knees and palms on either side of my writhing form. I grunted and clenched every muscle, struggling against the agonizing pain. “Yes.” He hissed.
“I can make it stop, but the choice is yours on whether or not I do.”
My eyes peeled open, face still distorting but trying to focus. Caleb was inches away, sulfuric breath clouding the gap between us.
I groaned and bucked against him, swells of pulsing energy refusing to allow my body any relief. His eyes closed and mouth parted in delight with the contact and the view. He was enjoying this.
“You son of a bitch.” I breathed, words full of biting anger.
“Mmmmm.” A deep throaty hum followed a devious smile. “Yes, baby. Talk dirty to me. You have no idea what that does.”
My chest heaved and flexed as the rage inside was externalized as a roaring yell. “Let it out.” Caleb demanded. “I can feel the rage and hate within. I want to taste it. Tell me to taste it.
” He slid his tongue over his lips and pressed a hand on my chest to hold me still, waiting for the word.
Without the activity of my upper torso, my hips arched and firmly struck his own.
Sweat began seeping through my clothes, my hair dampening as I watched him revel in the torture he was inflicting.
I tried to roll off the bed and away from him, but he pressed harder into my chest and tightened his knees around my thighs. I screamed and yelled for relief with no success.
I tried to push him off, but his weight was too firmly planted against me.
With clenched fists, I began hitting him in every open area I could, but he easily absorbed them, groaning with pleasure at every strike. “Give in to me.
” He growled, arousal heightened from the fight.
I knew my body couldn’t hold on much longer. I was already exhausted and the constant thrashing fight only furthered the fatigue.
My mind begged for liberation and the worn fibers of my mortality pleaded for release. I swallowed hard, holding back the words he wanted to hear until they erupted from my throat. “Ok.
” I muttered.
“What?” He asked leaning an ear closer to my mouth.
“Ok!” I growled louder.
“Say it. Say what you want.” Caleb’s face turned back to mine.
Another hard shutter of energy rushed my nerves, causing me to gasp and moan. “I want-“ I paused to clutch the sheets into a fist once more. “I want it to stop.”
“Don’t toy with me. Fucking say it. I can keep you like this for eternity.”
My soul begged me to stay silent, but I could no longer take the torment. “I want you.” Teeth biting my tongue as soon as the words formed vocally.
“Good girl.” He crooned quickly pressing his mouth to mine.
I kept my lips pursed, until the shocking pulses began to dwindle away. My body began to unwind. The sheet beneath me was released from my clutch while my spine flattened against the mattress.
Shallow breaths turned easy again as he lightened the pressure on my chest.
When I had relaxed completely, he released my lips. Remaining stationary over me, his eyes searching my face. “Better?” He asked rhetorically.
Lifeless with utter exhaustion, I barely nodded my head. My eyelids grew heavy and my vision narrowed until darkness filled my sight.
“Pleasure. Euphoria. Ecstasy. You will know this tonight. And you will crave more.” Whispers echoed within the deep shadows of my impending dreams.
There was no fight left, I laid motionless letting sleep pull me further into its precious grasp with only the feeling of Caleb’s heated hands tracing the curvature of my figure.