''I go into this dark place, Dr Smith. This is what I meant earlier. Now you understand what I have been trying to say? Pardon me, you know I have never been good at explaining myself''. She started picking up the broken glass from the carpet. ''I am very very sorry I messed up your carpet''.
''So, I was saying--'', she sat at the sofa and put the larger shard on the table, ''-- This dark place, feeling or whatever you call it, it draws me in; I feel so empty and numb and I can't feel anything! I become extremely afraid of myself in that situation. You just saw how I broke the glass vase?! I feel no guilt right now even though I apologized!''.
Dr Smith shot a worried glance at her. ''You see Dr Smith, in that frame of-of feelings--- and the state of mind I must say, I can do anything. I told my Uncle last weekend what an asshole he was and whatever frauds he did in front of my aunt, and I didn't feel any fear that I have always felt whenever I tried to reveal his frauds to her''.
''I apologize to you because I know this automatic system of apologizing if you do something like this. I know I shouldn't have done it. I know. But I don't feel any fear, any guilt, any remorse, anything at all. It is just an automatic response, right? Do you understand now? I can do anything in this moment. You know that now. I know the repurcussions. I know the concequences. I know
everything, But I don't care! And it makes me very smart--as in, you know what I mean. Because I don't have fear, I don't feel anxious an stuff so I can better calculate the things that I do. So. I will be going now. I am sure somebody knows how to get the blood off the carpet. And by the way, Why would you put white carpet in the office? People come with all
kinds of dirty shoes I mean! And now all this blood! Well. Don't bother to tell the police my details; I mean if you can manage to.... because you see the day I came here to you I was in the same phase or state of mind. The dark phase or whatever. I gave you y details wrong, my name is not Olivia. And... well, I am wearing a wig, coloured contacts and makeup
Which makes me look very different actually. I thought all of it on that day so I kept the fake details as I got embarrassed. Guess it was good that I stuck to it right?! I'll leave you now. I wish you could have understood what I was saying and not ruled me out as just an attention seeker. Now you know. Goodbye Dr Smith. I'll go to someone more
professional now. When I come out of this phase. Goodbye. Your degree was a waste''. Stephen looked lifelessly towards her fading steps and tried to scream for help but couldn't as she cut his neck at the vocal cords; deep. The white carpet was now deep crimson and his vision deep black.