I remember exactly for how long I have been lonely. Its an easy calculation: forever. I remember being alone in crowds, sitting with friends; no one for me, no one with me still. Distant I was, or should I say distant I was made to be by this world. Pretending to fit in and disappearing as if a chameleon changing its look to blend in. But the chameleon doesn't forget itself while it blends in
with its environment, I on the other hand had forgotten what I was in this daily toil of blending in. Blended so well that I started loosing my essence, my pieces and mind you; useless is the jigsaw which loses its pieces. I remember all those lonely nights when I had to go to sleep all alone; while others hugged their mothers and and were left
with tender kisses on their foreheads- I lulled myself to sleep in the arms of my unseen imagination, that untouchable warmth of the companions who were only in my mind. I also remember the dread of my loneliness for when I had to wake up to cold walls and untouched pillows, breathless from my nightmares.
Oh how I longed to have someone calm me down and tell me it was just a dream! Dream is what everything was; out of reach, not meant for reality and certainly not meant for me. And those nightmares were the only things that were real enough for me to have, for me to reach, meant just for me.
Quivering I would wake up, breathless and palpitating--djembes in my chest and ears while the fainting silhouettes from the nightmare gone merged into the surroundings. There was no hand to soothe me and no arms to wrap me in their warm embrace so I may forget the monsters and go on again into the valley of sleep.
But then you came. I knew you will always be there. Forever, just for me. For all those years of that cold misery I had endured you were my gift. The coldness changed into soft warmth as that of banana muffins just out of the oven. I laughed now like popcorn popping on the stove from my throat that was only been used of screaming in the devil's
hour being woken up from a bad dream. Those wretched night horrors turned into morning kisses and mid-sleep cuddles. You brought all of that to my life. Now when I look at your face, I forget all those bad memories t once. And no matter how much it rains outside and how gloomy the weather might be apparently; it's all good for me now that
you are by my side. Always. I don't have to wrap my own arms around me anymore when I wake up in the middle of the night. I open my eyes not to shadows of nightmares evaporating but rather to your soft face lying next to me where it always will be. And in our case forever will be forever, not even death would part us.
Now that I lie next to you, I can see every crease around your beautiful eyes in the bright sunlight from the windows that warms up the room like you warmed up my life. I'll have to buy some more glycerin though. I see a little speck of rot just above your ear. It would be all fine once I get that. And I will have to fire that lazy embalmer too. it's gonna be a busy day.