So, I have noticed this many times in my life. People who are genuinely in pain not because of their own self but truly due to their circumstances; being told to change their behaviour, 'look at the ones going through a bigger mess'. I have seen the people who are somehow making things painful for themselves and do have a part in their own suffering getting by.
Most probably because generally the second type of people are much dominant and get their way around their issues and succeed in blaming other things for their turmoils (just an observation and not necessarily true for many people). But that is another issue.
My issue is the people who do not control their situation. Being a person who falls in this category most of the times, I am more frustrated when opening up than when mute. Or you can say both ways you get frustrated; you don't know whether to talk or not. And again, I am not saying all of the times, but most of the times.
The first thing that people tell you is 'do that'. This 'that' is actually a big step which can not be taken by you in your situation because your situation does not allows you to. This happens mostly in those cases where you are facing a situation which has not been faced by the people around you ever and they haven't even experienced anything closer to that too.
And thus you are advised to do this or that (and those things are very filmlike most of the times. Bullshit like writing a letter of your emotions to someone. ppfftt. Get your heads out of your asses. This is the worst way to deal with authority figures, parents and generally anyone who is considered a 'serious' person.)
Then secondly, the 'that' is something which you cannot do because you don't have the power to do it. Someone else in a slightly different situation might be able to do that, but not everyone. My favourite is 'have a discussion'. Yeah, right. you are having the problem BECAUSE you can't have a discussion/argument. Idiots.
And when you tell them these things can't be done in your situation, you are easily blamed for your problems and you wish you never had opened your cakehole. The solution for when you can't understand why someone else is persistent that 'that' can't be done in their situation, accept it. Because your advice is not going to be followed anyway so.
Secondly, comes the great comparison. Ah. Because apparently, we were going for a competition in the 'who has got it the worst' department. 'Oh, but look at ABC, he is having a harder time'. So? Is that supposed to make my problem go away? Cool science.
According to this theory, if you don't have a limb you should look at the one without all their limbs and feel great. I mean yes, it is important for us many many times to look at people who have got worse than us, it is very important to do that so as to understand that we still are better off than many others and that our issue can be solved and it will be okay.
But, is that supposed to make my problem go away? so if others have it worse than me then is my problem no longer valid? Well then the one without any limbs should look at people who also can't hear or see or do not have any social security. The ones without limbs in a secure loving society should look at people in underdeveloped countries who
are rotting due to no facilities and feel better. The latter should not cry for their issues by looking at the people in war-stricken places who have lost their whole families. People of war-stricken places who are alive should stop whining because at least they are alive. In the end no one should be whining about their issues because somebody has it worse except for dead people.
Oh and then there is this 'it happens to everyone/many people/most people/us too bullshit. So, if half of the population is coming from dysfunctional households we should consider it a norm and exclude it from the list of problems because dude, it happens to us too--dude, it happens in every home.
Dude, no. If everyone does it, it never makes it right or not an issue. It still stays an issue. Don't shut people up by saying all this stuff. be considerate. Be accepting of situations and problems that you have never faced. Because you can't deny that AIDS exists just because you don't have it. Peace.